Friday, June 1, 2012
Real Contentment
Where is true contentment found? What does it mean to be truly content?
These are questions that I have been pondering the past few days. Even though I know that true contentment is found in Christ and in Christ alone, I wonder how I know so many Christians who are discontent and so few who are truly content with their lives; and I wonder how I can sometimes be so discontent with where the Lord has me in my own life.
This can be seen in a number of "subtle" ways:
When I complain about the changes in my life, am I not showing that I am discontent with what God has allowed in my life? When I worry about the future, am I not revealing that I am discontent with the Lord's faithfulness in my life? When I am negative about my job, am I not discontent with the Lord's provision in my life? When I am bitter about my life, am I not truly saying that I am discontent with the Lord's sovereignty in where He has me right now? When I wish for a relationship or a friendship or money or possessions that I do not have, am I not actually discontent with the Lord's goodness in what He has given me?
Oh, Lord, forgive this undeserving and discontented heart.
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1, italics mine).
That word - season - has been a recurring thought in my mind for the past few days as I have been pondering what true contentment is. It is obvious that there are different seasons of life as we all grow older. However, each of our lives is filled with different life seasons that we can either resist or embrace; we can either be discontent with where the Lord has us or we can be content in knowing that He has us exactly where He wants us.
True contentment is not found in pretending. It is not found in putting on a facade, a mask, fooling ourselves and others that we are content with the way that our lives are. True contentment is not "faking it 'til you make it" - living in self-deception until your heart and mind believe that you are content. True contentment is not found in temporal pleasures and treasures that this world offers; how can one find true contentment in those things which are temporary and fleeting? True contentment is not found in friendships and relationships; how can true contentment be found in mere human beings who will never fail to disappoint and who can never fulfill every need of our heart and life? True contentment is found in only one place - in the Will of God our Father who loves us and has a plan for us.
God may have you in a season of desperation - of tragedy, of loss, of pain. He may have you in a season of change or of loneliness or of mourning. Ecclesiastes says that "for everything there is a season", including a time to die, to weep, to mourn, and to lose. However, there is also a time for healing and laughing and dancing. The Lord has a purpose for everything and to deny that is to deny His sovereignty and His faithfulness and His goodness. Those in a relationship with Christ have found true treasure and should be the most contented and joyful people in the world. It is a tragedy that so many Christians are unhappy and discontent.
True contentment is found solely - only, completely, wholly - in Christ and in Christ alone. Until we realize this, we will never be content. Life is full of changes and nothing except Christ, our Solid Rock, is consistent and unchanging.
And for this, I praise the One who gave me life - this particular life - for it is Him who gives me my every breath and it is for Him that my every breath is breathed. It is Him who has placed me here for such a time as this, Him who has formed my life, and Him who knows the end from the beginning and the big picture that I cannot see. It is Him who is faithful, who is true, who is consistent, who is unchanging, and whose promises and love are unfailing. And it is in Him that I can be truly relieved, loved, and content. Thank You, Father.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
For the Faint of Heart
I thought that I was convinced that life is not for the faint of heart - for those who cannot endure hardship and tragedy and pain. That we must be strong enough to push through the hardships of life and strong enough to even doubt and deny the pain that we are going through just so that we can be seen as "fearless" or "courageous" or perhaps even more "spiritual" than those who obviously struggle through the pain of life.
Then I realized that life really is for the faint of heart, those who are too weak to fight through the battles of every day and those who are too tired to press on through the struggles, tragedies, temptations, and despairs of life.
For Jesus says to us, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9); I echo Paul, "For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10). And I rest in Christ's promise to me: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).
Life can be hard. There is no reason to deny the heartaches and the struggles that we all face. It is not a more "spiritual" act to deny and ignore the struggles and the pains of life. No, I am convinced that it would be more "spiritual" to admit, with Paul, that we are weak, that we are tired, that we need the Lord's grace and strength to fight the daily battles of life and to press on without giving up.
""Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain" (1 Corinthians 15:58).
Change can be hard. There is no reason for me to deny that the changes that I have come home to are not sometimes hard or painful or a struggle for me. I am convinced that it would be better for me to admit that I am faint at heart, that I need His grace and His strength to not only accept the change, but to embrace it without cynicism or fear or doubt of His goodness and graciousness towards His own.
It is in relinquishing the control that is already His that I find freedom. It is in opening up my hands and letting go that I find an inexpressible peace. It is in taking those now open hands and embracing my Father that I find an insurmountable joy that my heart truly cannot contain. Sometimes my heart overflows its joy into what I call "excitement chills"; they happen once in a while, as those closest to me can attest to. It happened tonight as I was driving through the beautiful country, reminiscing about the past and dreaming about the future that the Lord has for me. I was thinking of all of the "broken puzzle pieces" that seem to make up parts of my life and how those very things are being used to create a beautiful picture of redemption and of love and of hope - His redemption and His love and His hope. I cannot see the big picture; I cannot see the heavenly realms and what the Lord's purposes are in what He does and in what He allows. But I can trust that He is sovereign over all and that He uses broken and humble and weak and tired people to accomplish His purposes - for it is in these kinds of people that He is able to reveal His glory most... for all will know that it is His grace and His strength that deserve the credit. Amen. May all glory be given to Him, to Whom it is due.
Yes, life is for the faint of heart. There is hope in the despair. There is a constant in the change. There is a foundation in the earthquakes. There is love in the loneliness. There is strength in the weakness. There is rest in the exhaustion. There are hands that hold the world. And there is a God who loves us and desires to call us His own.
By His grace, I am His own. And that makes all the difference in all of my life for all of eternity.
Then I realized that life really is for the faint of heart, those who are too weak to fight through the battles of every day and those who are too tired to press on through the struggles, tragedies, temptations, and despairs of life.
For Jesus says to us, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9); I echo Paul, "For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10). And I rest in Christ's promise to me: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).
Life can be hard. There is no reason to deny the heartaches and the struggles that we all face. It is not a more "spiritual" act to deny and ignore the struggles and the pains of life. No, I am convinced that it would be more "spiritual" to admit, with Paul, that we are weak, that we are tired, that we need the Lord's grace and strength to fight the daily battles of life and to press on without giving up.
""Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain" (1 Corinthians 15:58).
Change can be hard. There is no reason for me to deny that the changes that I have come home to are not sometimes hard or painful or a struggle for me. I am convinced that it would be better for me to admit that I am faint at heart, that I need His grace and His strength to not only accept the change, but to embrace it without cynicism or fear or doubt of His goodness and graciousness towards His own.
It is in relinquishing the control that is already His that I find freedom. It is in opening up my hands and letting go that I find an inexpressible peace. It is in taking those now open hands and embracing my Father that I find an insurmountable joy that my heart truly cannot contain. Sometimes my heart overflows its joy into what I call "excitement chills"; they happen once in a while, as those closest to me can attest to. It happened tonight as I was driving through the beautiful country, reminiscing about the past and dreaming about the future that the Lord has for me. I was thinking of all of the "broken puzzle pieces" that seem to make up parts of my life and how those very things are being used to create a beautiful picture of redemption and of love and of hope - His redemption and His love and His hope. I cannot see the big picture; I cannot see the heavenly realms and what the Lord's purposes are in what He does and in what He allows. But I can trust that He is sovereign over all and that He uses broken and humble and weak and tired people to accomplish His purposes - for it is in these kinds of people that He is able to reveal His glory most... for all will know that it is His grace and His strength that deserve the credit. Amen. May all glory be given to Him, to Whom it is due.
Yes, life is for the faint of heart. There is hope in the despair. There is a constant in the change. There is a foundation in the earthquakes. There is love in the loneliness. There is strength in the weakness. There is rest in the exhaustion. There are hands that hold the world. And there is a God who loves us and desires to call us His own.
By His grace, I am His own. And that makes all the difference in all of my life for all of eternity.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
His Relentless Pursuit
Sometimes, I just need to go for a run. Alone. My heart has been full of so many things - wondering about what the future holds, worrying about what these next few years will bring, and yet yearning to find contentment in Christ and in Christ alone. With every step past all of the expensive stores and restaraunts and people walking and running from place to place, I was once again confused as to how I got here - to this big city full of so many people and places unlike anywhere I would have ever imagined myself to be.
I ran across the street and down through the tunnel leading to the beach that I have come to know from the many late night walks, sand fights, rock skipping contests, games of "ninja" and volleyball, runs along the beach, and even the one sunrise - all with great friends that the Lord has blessed me with. On this particular afternoon, I was running alone along the water's edge, where the waves were coming up higher than usual and washing on the shore with a stronger force than normal. I slowed to a walk and decided that I would use this time to pray out loud. I walked along the edge of the water, just speaking all of the words that have been heavy on my heart, voicing all of the thoughts that have needed to be voiced to my Father for some time. There is something so freeing about being able to let go of the burdens that have been on my heart and leave them at the Father's feet, where they belong.
I walked onto the small pier that jutted out into the lake. The wind was strong and the waves continued to force themselves up over the pier and splash me, despite my attempts to run away from them. As I neared the end of the pier, I turned around and saw the city - the skyline of the buildings behind the lake and the beach; I saw the place that I have come to call my home sometime during these past ten months. Another big wave came, this time splashing me so that my clothes got wet. I just laughed.
God, You are so faithful. You have brought me to this place despite all of my fights and fears. Like these waves, You have been pursuing me all of my life. Your love is unchanging; Your grace unending; Your faithfulness unfailing. I do not and will not ever understand why You are so faithful to me, to have brought me to such a place as this and to have given me all of these great opportunities for ministry... things that I have been dreaming about for years are becoming a reality. You have promised to be faithful - and You have been true to that promise yesterday and today and that is why I can know that You will be true tomorrow.
I turned around, ready to run back down the pier where the waves would stop splashing me. As I turned around, a wave once again came crashing across the pier, but this time it created a rainbow across the water. I was wet and the wind was blowing with so much force, creating relentless waves... but I just laughed. A rainbow, a sign of promise, a sign to me of God's unending and undenying faithfulness. Just like the waves, His love for me and His faithfulness to me are relentless. I do not understand why; I never will. All I know is the truth of His words and the evidence of His faithfulness in my life.
I began to run back down the pier, feeling as though the waves were chasing me because of their relentless pursuit, crashing onto the pier and creating puddles that I splashed through. I was overwhelmed. In the past, God has taken me to so many places and has changed my life in a way that I never would have ever imagined possible. Today, God has brought me to a place where I never would have come on my own and has continually been faithful to me every day, in the big and in the small areas of my life. And this is why I know that He will continue to be faithful to me tomorrow, relentlessly pursuing me and taking care of the areas of my life that I worry about, knowing my heart and its desires, and giving me what is best for my life and for the furtherance of His Kingdom.
All of these things that are in my heart and all of these situations that I worry about, are already in His sovereign hands. And, therefore, I must leave them there.
"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7
And that is a truth and a promise that I can rest in; the God of the universe cares for me. And this is why I can know that greater things are yet to come and greater things are yet to be done. This is why I have this peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7). This is why I can find true contentment in Christ. Nothing compares to this. How deep the Father's love for us.
Praise God.
I ran across the street and down through the tunnel leading to the beach that I have come to know from the many late night walks, sand fights, rock skipping contests, games of "ninja" and volleyball, runs along the beach, and even the one sunrise - all with great friends that the Lord has blessed me with. On this particular afternoon, I was running alone along the water's edge, where the waves were coming up higher than usual and washing on the shore with a stronger force than normal. I slowed to a walk and decided that I would use this time to pray out loud. I walked along the edge of the water, just speaking all of the words that have been heavy on my heart, voicing all of the thoughts that have needed to be voiced to my Father for some time. There is something so freeing about being able to let go of the burdens that have been on my heart and leave them at the Father's feet, where they belong.
I walked onto the small pier that jutted out into the lake. The wind was strong and the waves continued to force themselves up over the pier and splash me, despite my attempts to run away from them. As I neared the end of the pier, I turned around and saw the city - the skyline of the buildings behind the lake and the beach; I saw the place that I have come to call my home sometime during these past ten months. Another big wave came, this time splashing me so that my clothes got wet. I just laughed.
God, You are so faithful. You have brought me to this place despite all of my fights and fears. Like these waves, You have been pursuing me all of my life. Your love is unchanging; Your grace unending; Your faithfulness unfailing. I do not and will not ever understand why You are so faithful to me, to have brought me to such a place as this and to have given me all of these great opportunities for ministry... things that I have been dreaming about for years are becoming a reality. You have promised to be faithful - and You have been true to that promise yesterday and today and that is why I can know that You will be true tomorrow.
I turned around, ready to run back down the pier where the waves would stop splashing me. As I turned around, a wave once again came crashing across the pier, but this time it created a rainbow across the water. I was wet and the wind was blowing with so much force, creating relentless waves... but I just laughed. A rainbow, a sign of promise, a sign to me of God's unending and undenying faithfulness. Just like the waves, His love for me and His faithfulness to me are relentless. I do not understand why; I never will. All I know is the truth of His words and the evidence of His faithfulness in my life.
I began to run back down the pier, feeling as though the waves were chasing me because of their relentless pursuit, crashing onto the pier and creating puddles that I splashed through. I was overwhelmed. In the past, God has taken me to so many places and has changed my life in a way that I never would have ever imagined possible. Today, God has brought me to a place where I never would have come on my own and has continually been faithful to me every day, in the big and in the small areas of my life. And this is why I know that He will continue to be faithful to me tomorrow, relentlessly pursuing me and taking care of the areas of my life that I worry about, knowing my heart and its desires, and giving me what is best for my life and for the furtherance of His Kingdom.
All of these things that are in my heart and all of these situations that I worry about, are already in His sovereign hands. And, therefore, I must leave them there.
"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7
And that is a truth and a promise that I can rest in; the God of the universe cares for me. And this is why I can know that greater things are yet to come and greater things are yet to be done. This is why I have this peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7). This is why I can find true contentment in Christ. Nothing compares to this. How deep the Father's love for us.
Praise God.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
God of this City
The smell of pot filled the late night air. The parking lot was dark and filled with guys, who all looked rough and well-cultured to the city. Being a young white caucasian girl, I was definitely in the minority. I stood with two other girls by the entrance to the liquor store, waiting for two young women who we had seen walk in. As we waited in the cold Chicago winter air, I watched as two guys pulled up towards us in their car. One was smoking pot. The other stepped out to check his tire, which looked completely fine to me. I stood there, realizing with every part of me that I was in a dangerous area of the city. My mind knew it. And yet my heart felt something completely different. My heart knew a peace that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7), a peace that reminded me that I am safe in His arms.
As the two women walked out of the liquor store, we stopped them and simply asked them if we could bless them with a rose. We handed them each a beautiful red rose and asked if we could pray with them. In the middle of the parking lot, surrounded by the darkness of drugs, alcohol, and brokenness, we formed a small circle and placed our hands on these two dear women as we lifted them up to the Lord.
I have been told that the light of the world lives inside of me. I have been told that this light was not meant to just be around other light. I have been told to shine that light in the darkest places of the world.
And so I went. I saw a young woman stand on a street corner and get picked up by a guy. I saw two semi trucks, in which the men were "doing business" with the young women. I smelled the weed and the pot and the "purple haze". I saw the streets lined up with police cars responding to a tragedy. I walked into a restaraunt and saw a country of the world represented right here in this city where I now live. I saw light be brought to a dark place as our prayers were lifted up.
I was with a ministry who does this every week. When I mentioned that I find this ministry amazing, the woman laughed and said, "Oh really? I guess I am just used to it."
Shouldn't I be used to it? The Lord has sent me to this city for a bigger reason than just to study the Bible at Moody Bible Institute. I remember visiting the city with my dad last year, before I had decided to come to Moody. I remember the moment that I looked outside the window of the tall building that I was in and my heart just broke. I was burdened as I saw people walking throughout the streets, so many of whom I knew were lost and in need of the hope that I have. While being here at Moody is a huge part of why God sent me here, there is an even bigger world out there. It's a world filled with lost people, a city whose people represent so many countries of the world. At times, the Lord has sent me to the people of the world. This time, the Lord has sent them to me.
"Seeking the lost is not about our abilities. It is really just all about our obedience. We need to just go. We have lost out there who need to know about Jesus. And we must do all that we can to seek them."
-Professor Yuan
I should be used to this. Evangelism is not just for those with the gift of evangelism. We are all called to evangelize. Maybe we are living with "tunnel vision", getting to where we need to go and not even seeing the people around us. Maybe we have given in to apathy, not expressing with words that we do not care about the lost people around us, but expressing it with our actions when we do nothing about seeking them. Or maybe we have given in to fear, another of the Enemy's tactics to prevent us from doing what the Lord has called us to do. But fear of what? Rejection? Why do we fear rejection when we do not even personally know many of the people that we come into contact with every day? I have come to find that most people are wanting to know of the hope that we have. There are so many people around us who are so lost, broken, and feeling purposeless that they are yearning to know how they can have hope. That hope is within us.
There is something freeing about stepping outside of the "bubble" of safety and comfort that I stay in most of my everyday life. It feels good to adventure into the dangerous unknown to reach out to the lost people who live in it every single day of their lives. There is a sort of peace about walking the streets with Jesus, stepping outside of the "American Christian" lifestyle that I have grown up in all of my life. There is so much more to this life than living in comfort, in safety, in luxury, and in selfish ambition. Why do we hold on to that which we have no hold to anyway?
We are living for eternity - for "an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time" (1 Peter 1:4-5).
Our inheritance is in heaven. This earth and everything in it are temporary - everything except our souls. The souls of those who I walk the streets with every day are eternal and it should break my heart to know that some of them are going to an eternity in hell because they do not know of the hope that I have in Jesus Christ. That should burden me. It should overwhelm me. It should spurn me on to action... to just go.
I should be used to this - to living life as the adventure that it was meant to be, to going out into dark places... for that is where the light of Jesus can shine the brightest.
Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Burden me with an overwhelming passion for the people of this city who walk these streets every single day, broken and hopeless and in need of You. Give me the courage and the strength to bring them this hope that I have in You. Keep me from selfishness, from keeping this hope to myself. For if I did not know that You were my atoning sacrifice, I would also be without hope. Continue to burden me and break me and give me the strength to obey You, for I am reminded that if I love You, that is exactly what I will do (John 14:15). Amen.
As the two women walked out of the liquor store, we stopped them and simply asked them if we could bless them with a rose. We handed them each a beautiful red rose and asked if we could pray with them. In the middle of the parking lot, surrounded by the darkness of drugs, alcohol, and brokenness, we formed a small circle and placed our hands on these two dear women as we lifted them up to the Lord.
I have been told that the light of the world lives inside of me. I have been told that this light was not meant to just be around other light. I have been told to shine that light in the darkest places of the world.
And so I went. I saw a young woman stand on a street corner and get picked up by a guy. I saw two semi trucks, in which the men were "doing business" with the young women. I smelled the weed and the pot and the "purple haze". I saw the streets lined up with police cars responding to a tragedy. I walked into a restaraunt and saw a country of the world represented right here in this city where I now live. I saw light be brought to a dark place as our prayers were lifted up.
I was with a ministry who does this every week. When I mentioned that I find this ministry amazing, the woman laughed and said, "Oh really? I guess I am just used to it."
Shouldn't I be used to it? The Lord has sent me to this city for a bigger reason than just to study the Bible at Moody Bible Institute. I remember visiting the city with my dad last year, before I had decided to come to Moody. I remember the moment that I looked outside the window of the tall building that I was in and my heart just broke. I was burdened as I saw people walking throughout the streets, so many of whom I knew were lost and in need of the hope that I have. While being here at Moody is a huge part of why God sent me here, there is an even bigger world out there. It's a world filled with lost people, a city whose people represent so many countries of the world. At times, the Lord has sent me to the people of the world. This time, the Lord has sent them to me.
"Seeking the lost is not about our abilities. It is really just all about our obedience. We need to just go. We have lost out there who need to know about Jesus. And we must do all that we can to seek them."
-Professor Yuan
I should be used to this. Evangelism is not just for those with the gift of evangelism. We are all called to evangelize. Maybe we are living with "tunnel vision", getting to where we need to go and not even seeing the people around us. Maybe we have given in to apathy, not expressing with words that we do not care about the lost people around us, but expressing it with our actions when we do nothing about seeking them. Or maybe we have given in to fear, another of the Enemy's tactics to prevent us from doing what the Lord has called us to do. But fear of what? Rejection? Why do we fear rejection when we do not even personally know many of the people that we come into contact with every day? I have come to find that most people are wanting to know of the hope that we have. There are so many people around us who are so lost, broken, and feeling purposeless that they are yearning to know how they can have hope. That hope is within us.
There is something freeing about stepping outside of the "bubble" of safety and comfort that I stay in most of my everyday life. It feels good to adventure into the dangerous unknown to reach out to the lost people who live in it every single day of their lives. There is a sort of peace about walking the streets with Jesus, stepping outside of the "American Christian" lifestyle that I have grown up in all of my life. There is so much more to this life than living in comfort, in safety, in luxury, and in selfish ambition. Why do we hold on to that which we have no hold to anyway?
We are living for eternity - for "an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time" (1 Peter 1:4-5).
Our inheritance is in heaven. This earth and everything in it are temporary - everything except our souls. The souls of those who I walk the streets with every day are eternal and it should break my heart to know that some of them are going to an eternity in hell because they do not know of the hope that I have in Jesus Christ. That should burden me. It should overwhelm me. It should spurn me on to action... to just go.
I should be used to this - to living life as the adventure that it was meant to be, to going out into dark places... for that is where the light of Jesus can shine the brightest.
Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Burden me with an overwhelming passion for the people of this city who walk these streets every single day, broken and hopeless and in need of You. Give me the courage and the strength to bring them this hope that I have in You. Keep me from selfishness, from keeping this hope to myself. For if I did not know that You were my atoning sacrifice, I would also be without hope. Continue to burden me and break me and give me the strength to obey You, for I am reminded that if I love You, that is exactly what I will do (John 14:15). Amen.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Dreams & Desires
So, I've always considered myself a dreamer. A visionary. One who sees things as they are, dreams up the impossible, and desires to change things into the way that they should be.
Yes, I've always considered myself to be a dreamer. And, yet, I've never allowed myself to dream.
I remember days in Chuuk when I would stand and throw a frisbee with a little girl, my little LeAnne. As she laughed and ran to catch the frisbee that I had thrown to her, I remember feeling right at home... surrounded by children who simply need the love of Christ and being able to show it to them.
I remember days in Haiti, surrounded by swarms of children who were simply excited to be loved, to be held, to be smiled at, to be talked to, and to be given attention to. And that's exactly what I did. It's in the moments of being in the intense heat of the sun, surrounded by a swarm of sweaty children, holding a child, trying to please the three children who were trying to hold my two hands... It's in these moments that I felt more joy than I could ever remember feeling.
I remember days in Bolivia. Well, one in particular, really. I felt so utterly and completely helpless and lost on the trails of the Andes Mountains when my team got split up. And, yet, the Lord's hand guided me and gave me a peace that truly passes all understanding. He is faithful. It's in these moments that I felt the closest to God, for it's in these moments that I realize my great and dependant need of Him.
Through these experiences, I have not only been able to realize dreams of mine, but my mind has come up with all sorts of dreams. Big dreams. Dreams that I would still love to realize one day. However, I have realized that I have thought so much into the future that it has caused me to not enjoy today and, even more than that, it has caused me to not realize the desires that the Lord has placed in my heart.
Dreams come from the heart. Ideas come from the mind. I have never allowed my heart to dream for fear that my dreams would not be God's dreams for my life. Instead, I let the logic of my mind overrule the desires of my heart. While I understand that if I want to live my life in complete surrender to the Lord Jesus Christ, which I have commited to do, then I cannot simply do whatever it is that my heart desires to do. I must guard my heart, as Proverbs 4:23 instructs me to do. I must offer myself as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to the Lord, as Romans 12:1 commands me to do. However, I am also instructed to delight myself in the Lord, "and he will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4).
This is a verse that I have always usually highly disregarded out of skepticism and fear that my desires would not be His desires. Yet, I have come to find that if I am delighting myself in the Lord (Psalm 37:4) and abiding in Him (John 15:7), His desires for my life will become my desires. As I grow deeper and deeper in intimacy with the Lord, my heart's desires will become those desires that HE wants for my life. This does not mean that what He desires is going to be something that I am going to initially want for my life. Oftentimes, what He asks is hard. Uncomfortable. Terrifying. Yet, when I am delighting in Him and abiding in Him, I will obey Him because I love Him (John 14:15).
I have experienced this over and over again in my life. Being here at Moody Bible Institute has been a huge part of this, because Moody was never in my plans for my life. Moody was never in the logical dreams that came from ideas out of my head. The life that I am living here is a result of delighting myself in the Lord, of abiding in Him, and of Him giving me the desires of my heart - some of which I never knew that I had.
Some of the desires of my heart have never happened because the Lord did not see them as best. Others have turned into realities beyond what I could have ever logically thought of in my own mind. Still others are desires that I never knew that I had, but as I have learned to delight myself in the Lord and abide myself in Him, He has changed my heart into more of His.
Out of the legalism of my past and the life of control that I have tried to live, I have come to realize that God wants my heart. He wants my heart. This heart, that has been scared to dream out of fear that it would not dream His dreams. This heart, that desires to become more and more like His heart, so that I will live out His desires for my life. This heart, that is so full of dreams. Some are even illogical. Some have not even been His desires for my life, but as I have drawn nearer to Him and nearer to the Cross in surrender, He has exchanged my futile dreams for His big dreams.
My heart is full. It is not full of tiny, logical "dreams" which can only stem from the mind. No, my heart is finally full of big dreams, envisioning a renewal and a revival that only the Lord can accomplish. It is full of the fruit of fulfilled dreams, some of which have been dreams that I never knew that I had, but when they were fulfilled I knew that there could be nothing better. It is full of anticipated dreams, some of which are so illogical and impossible that only the Lord could accomplish them if they are in His Will. And it is full of dreams that I already see happening, unfolding right before my very eyes.
"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." -John 15:7
"Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4
These verses are not to be taken out of context. However, I can take Jesus at His Word and know that if my heart is connected to His heart and if I am delighting in Him and His Kingdom purposes, then my dreams will not simply be my dreams - they will be His. And He will see His dreams to fulfillment for His Kingdom purposes. And that is what we are here for.
So, dream on.
Yes, I've always considered myself to be a dreamer. And, yet, I've never allowed myself to dream.
I remember days in Chuuk when I would stand and throw a frisbee with a little girl, my little LeAnne. As she laughed and ran to catch the frisbee that I had thrown to her, I remember feeling right at home... surrounded by children who simply need the love of Christ and being able to show it to them.
I remember days in Haiti, surrounded by swarms of children who were simply excited to be loved, to be held, to be smiled at, to be talked to, and to be given attention to. And that's exactly what I did. It's in the moments of being in the intense heat of the sun, surrounded by a swarm of sweaty children, holding a child, trying to please the three children who were trying to hold my two hands... It's in these moments that I felt more joy than I could ever remember feeling.
I remember days in Bolivia. Well, one in particular, really. I felt so utterly and completely helpless and lost on the trails of the Andes Mountains when my team got split up. And, yet, the Lord's hand guided me and gave me a peace that truly passes all understanding. He is faithful. It's in these moments that I felt the closest to God, for it's in these moments that I realize my great and dependant need of Him.
Through these experiences, I have not only been able to realize dreams of mine, but my mind has come up with all sorts of dreams. Big dreams. Dreams that I would still love to realize one day. However, I have realized that I have thought so much into the future that it has caused me to not enjoy today and, even more than that, it has caused me to not realize the desires that the Lord has placed in my heart.
Dreams come from the heart. Ideas come from the mind. I have never allowed my heart to dream for fear that my dreams would not be God's dreams for my life. Instead, I let the logic of my mind overrule the desires of my heart. While I understand that if I want to live my life in complete surrender to the Lord Jesus Christ, which I have commited to do, then I cannot simply do whatever it is that my heart desires to do. I must guard my heart, as Proverbs 4:23 instructs me to do. I must offer myself as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to the Lord, as Romans 12:1 commands me to do. However, I am also instructed to delight myself in the Lord, "and he will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4).
This is a verse that I have always usually highly disregarded out of skepticism and fear that my desires would not be His desires. Yet, I have come to find that if I am delighting myself in the Lord (Psalm 37:4) and abiding in Him (John 15:7), His desires for my life will become my desires. As I grow deeper and deeper in intimacy with the Lord, my heart's desires will become those desires that HE wants for my life. This does not mean that what He desires is going to be something that I am going to initially want for my life. Oftentimes, what He asks is hard. Uncomfortable. Terrifying. Yet, when I am delighting in Him and abiding in Him, I will obey Him because I love Him (John 14:15).
I have experienced this over and over again in my life. Being here at Moody Bible Institute has been a huge part of this, because Moody was never in my plans for my life. Moody was never in the logical dreams that came from ideas out of my head. The life that I am living here is a result of delighting myself in the Lord, of abiding in Him, and of Him giving me the desires of my heart - some of which I never knew that I had.
Some of the desires of my heart have never happened because the Lord did not see them as best. Others have turned into realities beyond what I could have ever logically thought of in my own mind. Still others are desires that I never knew that I had, but as I have learned to delight myself in the Lord and abide myself in Him, He has changed my heart into more of His.
Out of the legalism of my past and the life of control that I have tried to live, I have come to realize that God wants my heart. He wants my heart. This heart, that has been scared to dream out of fear that it would not dream His dreams. This heart, that desires to become more and more like His heart, so that I will live out His desires for my life. This heart, that is so full of dreams. Some are even illogical. Some have not even been His desires for my life, but as I have drawn nearer to Him and nearer to the Cross in surrender, He has exchanged my futile dreams for His big dreams.
My heart is full. It is not full of tiny, logical "dreams" which can only stem from the mind. No, my heart is finally full of big dreams, envisioning a renewal and a revival that only the Lord can accomplish. It is full of the fruit of fulfilled dreams, some of which have been dreams that I never knew that I had, but when they were fulfilled I knew that there could be nothing better. It is full of anticipated dreams, some of which are so illogical and impossible that only the Lord could accomplish them if they are in His Will. And it is full of dreams that I already see happening, unfolding right before my very eyes.
"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." -John 15:7
"Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4
These verses are not to be taken out of context. However, I can take Jesus at His Word and know that if my heart is connected to His heart and if I am delighting in Him and His Kingdom purposes, then my dreams will not simply be my dreams - they will be His. And He will see His dreams to fulfillment for His Kingdom purposes. And that is what we are here for.
So, dream on.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Living With Open Palms
There have been so many thoughts swarming around in my mind these past few weeks here. Thankfully, the Lord has been surfacing one to my mind all day today that has been a constant source of comfort and encouragement to me:
"The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake."
[Psalm 23:1-3]
It's my second semester here at Moody Bible Institute and, yet, the challenges have not gone away. I didn't expect them to nor do I think that they ever will go away, for each season of life contains its share of joys and challenges. It's all a part of growing and maturing in the Lord and I want to be able to accept the challenges with patience and perseverance and a steadfastness in the Lord.
Last semester, I was faced with the challenge of settling in to this big city and of finding my place (or my next classroom, for that matter!) among all of the people who were strangers to me. I faced fears that were sometimes illegitimate and other times realistic. I went through my first semester freshman breakdown and sometimes I would cry when I realized just how far away God had taken me from those I love.
This semester, I realize the privilege that it is to have been brought to a place like this in such a time as this. I now have people - family - who I love and cherish here. I now know my way around the city (mostly) and can find all of my classrooms without getting lost in the tunnels. Those aren't my fears or my challenges anymore. But now, I face the continual realization that I am growing up. I am in a place that is preparing me for ministry. This ministry isn't a dream far in the future anymore. No, I am seeing my dreams unfold right before my eyes. It's exciting. It's scary. It's a challenge to be pruned, shaped, molded, and refined into who the Lord wants me to be. It's hard to live my life with open palms and see what the Lord will do with my relinquished plans and dreams. It isn't easy to grow up.
Yesterday, I was out adventuring in the city and ended up in the very building where I had a life-changing conversation a year ago with a man who I love, who will forever be my role model, my inspiration, and my example of a life of wisdom and godliness. I will forever be grateful to be able to call that man my dad.
We were sitting at dinner, trying to take in the surroundings outside of the window. Neither of us had ever been in this big city before and I was not quite sure what to think of it. I was scared. It wasn't a fear of impending doom or of terror. It was a fear that made my heart drop, a fear of knowing that the Lord was asking me to do something that I had never wanted to do and would have never asked for. It was all a part of living my life with open palms; it was a part of growing up, of realizing that the Lord is my King and I am His servant.
My dad said to me, "Molly, if you are not willing to go now, you are never going to be willing to go." He knows me sometimes better than I think I know myself. I had always spoken of my dreams of being a full-time missionary, of adventuring overseas to some part of the world that was unknown to me, to do whatever would be the hardest to do. I wanted to do the biggest and the hardest possible thing. Perhaps that's my adventerous spirit... but it had always just been a dream. I never imagined that the Lord would actually want me to go to a big city hundreds of miles away from those I loved and everything I knew to be familiar. To me, that's harder than going to some foreign country overseas. But my dad was right. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where I decide, once and for all, whether the Lord is enough; whether I am going to decide to pursue Him with my life and fashion my pursuits and my desires and my plans around Him and His Kingdom or around my own selfish desires, whether I am going to live my life with open palms.
I cried. I got angry. I fought God. I doubted. I planned to go to a different college, closer to home. I held tightly to my own plans. I cried some more. I planned to tell Moody I would not be attending in the fall. I couldn't get it off my heart, out of my mind. I cried again, fought again, doubted some more. I opened my palms and I went. Somehow I'm now sitting in a dorm room at Moody Bible Institute, a year after that conversation with my dad.
Still, I'm constantly tempted to live my life with closed palms. Still, I doubt and am tempted to believe that the Lord is not enough. If only I had this... If only I had that... then my life would be complete. That is not what God's Word tells me. He tells me, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing" (Psalm 23:1). If the Lord is my Shepherd, then I lack nothing.
So what is holding me back from living my life with open palms? Fears? Doubts? "Messed-up" plans? Belief that I need something more to be content?
God's Word tells me to not fear. Jesus is the Truth. He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake. He is my portion. He is enough. I am now in need for nothing more.
Now is the time to let go. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is a crucial time in my life, when I must decide once and for all Who I am going to live for - myself or for the Lord. Now is the time when I must decide whether I am going to live my life with open palms, whether I am going to reach out to my Savior and embrace His life for me. His Word tells me He is enough.
So, Lord, give me faith to open my palms to You, embracing You and Your plans in surrender... knowing that in You, I lack nothing.
"The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake."
[Psalm 23:1-3]
It's my second semester here at Moody Bible Institute and, yet, the challenges have not gone away. I didn't expect them to nor do I think that they ever will go away, for each season of life contains its share of joys and challenges. It's all a part of growing and maturing in the Lord and I want to be able to accept the challenges with patience and perseverance and a steadfastness in the Lord.
Last semester, I was faced with the challenge of settling in to this big city and of finding my place (or my next classroom, for that matter!) among all of the people who were strangers to me. I faced fears that were sometimes illegitimate and other times realistic. I went through my first semester freshman breakdown and sometimes I would cry when I realized just how far away God had taken me from those I love.
This semester, I realize the privilege that it is to have been brought to a place like this in such a time as this. I now have people - family - who I love and cherish here. I now know my way around the city (mostly) and can find all of my classrooms without getting lost in the tunnels. Those aren't my fears or my challenges anymore. But now, I face the continual realization that I am growing up. I am in a place that is preparing me for ministry. This ministry isn't a dream far in the future anymore. No, I am seeing my dreams unfold right before my eyes. It's exciting. It's scary. It's a challenge to be pruned, shaped, molded, and refined into who the Lord wants me to be. It's hard to live my life with open palms and see what the Lord will do with my relinquished plans and dreams. It isn't easy to grow up.
Yesterday, I was out adventuring in the city and ended up in the very building where I had a life-changing conversation a year ago with a man who I love, who will forever be my role model, my inspiration, and my example of a life of wisdom and godliness. I will forever be grateful to be able to call that man my dad.
We were sitting at dinner, trying to take in the surroundings outside of the window. Neither of us had ever been in this big city before and I was not quite sure what to think of it. I was scared. It wasn't a fear of impending doom or of terror. It was a fear that made my heart drop, a fear of knowing that the Lord was asking me to do something that I had never wanted to do and would have never asked for. It was all a part of living my life with open palms; it was a part of growing up, of realizing that the Lord is my King and I am His servant.
My dad said to me, "Molly, if you are not willing to go now, you are never going to be willing to go." He knows me sometimes better than I think I know myself. I had always spoken of my dreams of being a full-time missionary, of adventuring overseas to some part of the world that was unknown to me, to do whatever would be the hardest to do. I wanted to do the biggest and the hardest possible thing. Perhaps that's my adventerous spirit... but it had always just been a dream. I never imagined that the Lord would actually want me to go to a big city hundreds of miles away from those I loved and everything I knew to be familiar. To me, that's harder than going to some foreign country overseas. But my dad was right. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where I decide, once and for all, whether the Lord is enough; whether I am going to decide to pursue Him with my life and fashion my pursuits and my desires and my plans around Him and His Kingdom or around my own selfish desires, whether I am going to live my life with open palms.
I cried. I got angry. I fought God. I doubted. I planned to go to a different college, closer to home. I held tightly to my own plans. I cried some more. I planned to tell Moody I would not be attending in the fall. I couldn't get it off my heart, out of my mind. I cried again, fought again, doubted some more. I opened my palms and I went. Somehow I'm now sitting in a dorm room at Moody Bible Institute, a year after that conversation with my dad.
Still, I'm constantly tempted to live my life with closed palms. Still, I doubt and am tempted to believe that the Lord is not enough. If only I had this... If only I had that... then my life would be complete. That is not what God's Word tells me. He tells me, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing" (Psalm 23:1). If the Lord is my Shepherd, then I lack nothing.
So what is holding me back from living my life with open palms? Fears? Doubts? "Messed-up" plans? Belief that I need something more to be content?
God's Word tells me to not fear. Jesus is the Truth. He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake. He is my portion. He is enough. I am now in need for nothing more.
Now is the time to let go. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is a crucial time in my life, when I must decide once and for all Who I am going to live for - myself or for the Lord. Now is the time when I must decide whether I am going to live my life with open palms, whether I am going to reach out to my Savior and embrace His life for me. His Word tells me He is enough.
So, Lord, give me faith to open my palms to You, embracing You and Your plans in surrender... knowing that in You, I lack nothing.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Everything I Ever Wanted
"You are stronger. You are stronger. Sin is broken, You have saved me. It is written, Christ is risen. Jesus, You are Lord of all."
This is the song that was lifted up by hundreds of voices at Moody Bible Institute's dedication ceremony in August. Among all of the students, parents, and faculty stood my family and I as we tried to fight back tears of finality, trying to dispel all thoughts of the good-byes that were coming. I stood there, biting my lip and trying my hardest to fight back the tears that I knew would come. My little sister clung to me, and I broke. She looked up at me, looked down, and immediately looked back up at me again in surprise as she saw the tears flow. She began to cry, loudly this time, and I wasn't sure how I was going to endure the "good-byes" or the long months away from these people that I love so much. As the voices rose up to the One who had brought each and every one of us to this place, I was overwhelmed. Not by fear, not by doubt, not by sadness; no, I was overwhelmed with a peace that came only from the Lord; this God who is stronger, so much stronger and bigger than my doubts and fears. This God, who is Lord of all; He is Lord of my life and every moment of my life. Immediately, a peace overwhelmed me. It was a peace of knowing assurance that I was standing exactly in the place where the Lord wanted me to be. This is a peace that repels all doubts. This is a peace that enveloped my heart in a warm reassurance. This is a peace that passes all understanding.
This was back in August, four months ago. Looking back, it feels like it could have been a year ago as I ponder all that the Lord has done in my life and in my heart, all that He has taught me, and all the challenges that He has brought me through. In tutoring refugee children, persevering long days in the library writing 15 page Old Testament papers, investing hours of studying for tests and finals, searching for a "home" church without my family, adapting to life in the city, planning and team-teaching a class, making new friends, and starting a new life 676 miles and three states away from all that I knew and loved, the Lord has taught me and grown me more than I could have ever possibly imagined.
The Lord has sent me to this place. He has lovingly and providentially guided me to this place in my life, for such a time as this. I believe with all my heart that this was in His Plan for me before I ever sent in one college application. I had been so set - so set in my own way of going to a different college, one closer to "home". I almost did not follow the Lord to this place in my life; and if I hadn't, I would have missed out on all that He has for me here. I can hardly imagine it now. I can hardly imagine how I ever considered other places, how I almost rejected my acceptance letter, how I wanted to turn around and go back once I got here.
I am convinced more now than I ever was before that the Devil wants to steal my life away from me. He is constantly throwing darts of fear and doubt and discontent at me that cause me to want to turn around and turn away from all that the Lord has set before me. He has done it so many times before and each time it has been so strong that I literally almost turned around and ran away from what the Lord had asked of me. By God's grace, and only by His grace, I took a step forward in the direction the Lord was leading me in and I have never regretted doing so. I am resting in His arms. God is so sovereign and mighty... He is love... He is beauty... He is justice... I can rest my life in Him. I can turn away from all of my fears, worries, and doubts and look toward the face of Jesus and breathe out a big sigh of relief because in His arms, I am safe. I am loved. I am right where I was created to be when I rest my life in the arms of Christ. And I am blessed... So, so very blessed. This life He has given me is one that I have always wanted but never knew how to ask for, never knew how to put in words to pray for.
I cannot settle. I cannot ever settle for anything other than what He has for me. It is so freeing - so completely freeing - to be able to live out my passion for the Lord. I do not ever need to settle for anything less than the passions that He has placed in my heart. I should not settle for anything less than what He has placed on my heart to do for His Kingdom.
No, it's not easy. Yes, it is very challenging. But I am convinced more now than ever before that it is worth it. Why give in to fear for a moment, when that one moment can change your life forever? That one moment of giving in to fear can change one's entire life course. It almost changed mine.
"You are stronger. You are stronger. Sin is broken, You have saved me. It is written, Christ is risen. Jesus, You are Lord of all."
I listen to this song again, once more overwhelmed by the place where the Lord has brought me.
Looking back, I can see His providential hand faithfully guiding, providing, leading, and loving me throughout this season of my life and every one before it. The same God who was faithful to me then will be faithful to me now and forevermore. Even when I am so faithless, He was and is faithful. Praise Jesus.
Father, thank You. Thank You so much for who You are and for all that You have done and constantly do for me. I do not deserve this. Thank You for being unchanging. Thank You that I can trust You to walk me through every season of life. Thank You for loving me with a love that I can know nowhere else. Thank You for pouring out Your grace in my life every single day. May I never settle for anything other than what You have for me. May I never settle for something good when You ask me to live out Your best.
So be it. Amen.
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