Always striving... Always placing one heavy foot in front of another, seemingly running in place and never getting anywhere. The bar of perfection seems to always be ahead of me; it seems with every step I take, it moves forward two. The standard of holiness seems to always be above me; with every vain move I make to reach it, it moves higher another mile.
Always striving... and never reaching. Always running... but never moving. Always trying to please others' standards, others' expectations, others' rules... and never being quite enough.
Always striving... and always failing. Burnt-out and exhausted, I fall to the Throne of Grace where I hear these refreshing words in my ears:
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ..." (Romans 5:1)
Justified. This means that even in my sinful state, the Lord has declared me as righteous in His sight. That means that I have peace with God. Peace.
The truth of these words goes in my ears and into my mind and begins to penetrate my heart as I look up to my Savior and hear these words spoken:
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (John 8:36)
I am free. I am free indeed.
The God of the universe chose to send His perfect, sinless Son to earth to live and die for us so that we could be set free. He died for our freedom. It is for this very reason that I wonder why so many of us live as if we are still in bondage when the Son has died to set us free?
Bondage to others' expectations. Bondage to religious rules. Bondage to a list of "dos" and "don'ts." Bondage to a cycle of sin, confession, and sin because we do not know the true freedom that we have in Christ.
But the Son has set us free! "For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace." (Romans 6:14, emphasis mine)
We are no longer under a yoke of slavery if the Son has set us free. We are no longer "under the law" because we are now "under grace." We are not to live lives of legalism, of strict adherence to a certain law or a certain person's or group of people's list of rules that are most often merely preferences for living, for the Son has set us free from bondage and a yoke of slavery. Let us instead be servants of Christ, for:
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ" (Galatians 1:10).
As a seminary professor so aptly put it in 1963, "Legalism wrenches the joy of the Lord from the Christian believer, and with the joy of the Lord goes his power for vital worship and vibrant service. Nothing is left but cramped, somber, dull, and listless profession. The truth is betrayed, and the glorious name of the Lord becomes a synonym for a gloomy kill-joy. The Christian under law is a miserable parody of the real thing." -S. Lewis Johnson
God is not a kill-joy. The Creator of joy and of all things good is not the one who desires to steal joy and all good things from us. No, there is another One who holds that desire, and that is our Enemy: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy..." (John 10:10a)
But, contrary to popular belief, God has "come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10b).
May we stop our vain strivings, our treadmill runs to nowhere, and our joyless pursuit of perfection and instead fall at the Throne of Grace where Christ lifts up our weary souls and penetrates our hearts with these refreshing words, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" (John 8:36).
Free indeed. Oh, how my heart sings with the lighthearted realization that I am free, no longer held in bondage to others' expectations or to the law... but free to live life as the woman that Christ has created me to be, loving Him and obeying Him and living to please Him only.
Freedom. Infinite Joy. Peace. Life to the fullest. This is the life that I live because the Son has set me free - and I am free indeed.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Hiding Behind the Walls
I hear the stories all of the time. These are always stories of despair, of sadness, of depression, and of hopelessness. Never are these stories ones of love (unless that love has been taken away), or of hope (unless that hope has turned to hopelessness) or of life and joy and peace (unless, again, these things have been torn away from them).
I am writing of the stories of heartbreak - stories of people who once knew love, but then felt the stinging shock of rejection; stories of people who once had their heart so wrapped up in a person that when that person suddenly walked away or was taken from them, their heart was shattered to pieces; stories of people who once knew the life of love and joy and peace and hope, but have now turned to depression and disbelief and doubt because of circumstances in their lives that have proved to them that this life of love and joy and peace doesn't truly exist (or perhaps it does for some, but certainly never for them).
These people live their lives behind walls - and not just behind them, but surrounded by them. These are high, thick, heavy walls that cannot easily be penetrated. They are walls of resentment, of distrust, of caution - and sometimes, of bitterness. For these people, it is easier to hide behind these walls of "safety" than to risk loving and being loved again. For these, it seems the best choice to live behind these walls than to risk walking out and being hurt and broken all over again.
Perhaps you know these stories that I am talking about; perhaps these stories are your own. Maybe you could re-read what I have just written and replace the word "people" with "myself" and "their" with "my" and "them" with "me." Wherever you are at in life, I am writing to declare a truth that has been declared before and will be declared again. I say it with an urgency and a passion, straight from my heart to yours: there is hope. And there is only hope because we have a Great Lover of our souls. His name is Jesus.
Jesus tells me that He loves me and He proved it that while I was still doing wrong against Him, He died for me (Romans 5:8). He tells me that in Him, I can find rest (Matthew 11:28). Jesus invites me to come to Him, with all of my anxieties (that includes all of my burdens and fears and heartaches), and cast them on Him (1 Peter 5:7). Jesus tells me that I have hope - eternal hope (Proverbs 23:18). He tells me that it is impossible for me to be forever alone (Hebrews 13:5). Jesus tells me that He knows the plans that He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and that those plans are higher than my own (Isaiah 55:8,9). Jesus tells me that He is sufficient; He is enough (2 Corinthians 12:9).
And Jesus can be trusted. He bids us come to Him - with our broken hearts and all. In Jesus, there really are no broken hearts - only broken sinners needy of a Savior, who heals us and delivers us and makes us whole.
I wonder if more people knew this Truth if there would be less broken hearts and more hearts being satisfied in Him? It's a glorious thought, for the outcome of a whole heart in Christ is a glorious life - both for the glory of His Name and the futherance of our joy.
I am writing of the stories of heartbreak - stories of people who once knew love, but then felt the stinging shock of rejection; stories of people who once had their heart so wrapped up in a person that when that person suddenly walked away or was taken from them, their heart was shattered to pieces; stories of people who once knew the life of love and joy and peace and hope, but have now turned to depression and disbelief and doubt because of circumstances in their lives that have proved to them that this life of love and joy and peace doesn't truly exist (or perhaps it does for some, but certainly never for them).
These people live their lives behind walls - and not just behind them, but surrounded by them. These are high, thick, heavy walls that cannot easily be penetrated. They are walls of resentment, of distrust, of caution - and sometimes, of bitterness. For these people, it is easier to hide behind these walls of "safety" than to risk loving and being loved again. For these, it seems the best choice to live behind these walls than to risk walking out and being hurt and broken all over again.
Perhaps you know these stories that I am talking about; perhaps these stories are your own. Maybe you could re-read what I have just written and replace the word "people" with "myself" and "their" with "my" and "them" with "me." Wherever you are at in life, I am writing to declare a truth that has been declared before and will be declared again. I say it with an urgency and a passion, straight from my heart to yours: there is hope. And there is only hope because we have a Great Lover of our souls. His name is Jesus.
Jesus tells me that He loves me and He proved it that while I was still doing wrong against Him, He died for me (Romans 5:8). He tells me that in Him, I can find rest (Matthew 11:28). Jesus invites me to come to Him, with all of my anxieties (that includes all of my burdens and fears and heartaches), and cast them on Him (1 Peter 5:7). Jesus tells me that I have hope - eternal hope (Proverbs 23:18). He tells me that it is impossible for me to be forever alone (Hebrews 13:5). Jesus tells me that He knows the plans that He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and that those plans are higher than my own (Isaiah 55:8,9). Jesus tells me that He is sufficient; He is enough (2 Corinthians 12:9).
And Jesus can be trusted. He bids us come to Him - with our broken hearts and all. In Jesus, there really are no broken hearts - only broken sinners needy of a Savior, who heals us and delivers us and makes us whole.
I wonder if more people knew this Truth if there would be less broken hearts and more hearts being satisfied in Him? It's a glorious thought, for the outcome of a whole heart in Christ is a glorious life - both for the glory of His Name and the futherance of our joy.
Monday, July 2, 2012
His Purpose Stands
That aching, burning desire has returned to my heart and it refuses to leave. I know many of you know exactly the feeling that I am trying to describe; it is a completely indescribable feeling except to say that it is aches and burns. There is no other way to describe it. It is a restless, holy dissatisfaction - restless because I do not know what to do with it; holy dissatisfaction because I know the way that things are and I also know from God's Word the way that things should be. And I see a gap - a wide gap that must be bridged. And that is why this feeling aches and burns my heart.
This is the longest that I have been in this country in three years. I didn't know that I would experience this restlessness to leave it again; I didn't know that I would fall in love with countries not my own; I didn't know that the people would recurrently come to mind, creating a yearning in my heart to return to the beauty that they behold. I didn't know there'd be pain in leaving until I left and I sure did not know that the Lord would ask me to wait so long to return.
However, I do believe with all my heart that my Father's timing is perfect. He knows the desires of my heart to return to minister to and with these people. He knows my burning desire to once again get dirty loving on these people, kneeling in the dirt and holding dirty, precious babies and sharing love with a widow who has not eaten in days and throwing a beach ball with children who scream with pure delight as they run after it and singing praises to my King with the resounding voices of a hundred financially poor children, creating a true richness that can be found in no material thing. I could go on, but I realize with each description, with each recurring memory, the burning of my desire does not subside, but only increases.
I trust God's timing is perfect - that truth is really what inspired me to write this; for this post is not about me. This aching desire came from the Father whose heart also aches for the people around the world; if it did not, He would not command us to go to the least of these (Matthew 25:40), bringing the Good News (Isaiah 52:7), and providing for those who have need (Proverbs 3:27, Proverbs 28:27, Luke 3:11, James 2:15-16). This burning holy dissatisfaction came from the Father whose heart loves the people I love with a deeper and truer love than I ever could (John 15:13). And that is why I trust Him; my desires, if they are from Him, will not go unfulfilled. And I have found, time and time again, that when I am in close communion with my Father, my heart begins to become more aligned with His and I begin to desire what He desires. It is a wonderfully beautiful thing when my desires merge with the desires of my Father, for it is not a natural thing for the heart of a depraved sinner like me to desire what the King desires. When He allows it, I can do nothing but fall at His feet in peaceful admiration and worship, knowing that His desires and purposes are perfect and it is always His purpose that stands (Proverbs 19:21).
Though my heart yearns and aches and burns for things that the Lord has not yet seen fit to give me or allow me to do, I trust His timing. I know that He has a Plan. I know that when I am in relationship with Him, pursuing Him and enjoying Him and loving Him and worshipping Him, my heart becomes more like His and I begin to desire more of what He desires. If these desires in my heart are truly His, then they will come to pass. It is always His purpose that stands, though the plans in my mind are many (Proverbs 19:21). Though my heart senses a gap between the way that things are and the way that things should be both in the world and in the Church and it has caused a holy dissatisfaction to surface, I trust my God. He holds the whole world in His hands and He knows the end from the beginning. In Him I place my trust and, more than that, in Him I place my life.
Lord, give me more of a desire to desire what You desire; break my heart for what breaks Your heart. Father, I ask that You give me grace to accept and to trust Your perfect timing. Thank You, thank You, thank You, that it is always Your purpose that stands.
What is your heart yearning and aching and burning for that may not be in the Lord's timing for you right now? What are you going to do about it - bask in self-pity and try to go ahead of the Lord's plans or throw yourself, along with your plans, at the feet of Jesus? The choice is ours to make, but freedom is found in our Father and trusting in His purpose which stands.
Monday, June 25, 2012
20 Non-Academic Things I Learned at College
Things that I learned at school this past year that are completely non-academic:
1) Sometimes, the Lord will ask me to do things that are contrary to my plans, in the face of my fears, and bigger than any of my dreams.
2) Always, the Lord knows what is best and I never regret following Him - even when it is contrary to my plans, in the face of my fears, and bigger than any of my dreams.
3) "Home" can never be used to refer to a geographical location here on earth; home is always and forever will be in the presence of Jesus. Here on earth, home is where He leads me to go.
4) God gives me just what I need and takes away what I don't need; I may not understand or see the reason why, but I know He can be trusted. And I trust Him.
5) God is always, always, always faithful.
6) A career that can pay off school debt is not what is most important; what is most important is pursuing that vocation, career, and/or ministry that the Lord calls me to pursue. That is all. He will provide and fill in the rest. He has, He does, and He will.
7) Emotions are a good thing and not something to be pushed away; the Lord gave us emotions for a reason and are oftentimes used to direct us to Himself. Oftentimes throughout this past year, my desperation has been met with His provision; my fear has been replaced by His peace; and my sadness has been turned into joy that can only come from Him.
8) Friendships are a gift from God and even more so, friends that can genuinely be called family are a rare and precious treasure that should be invested in, loved deeply, and never let go of.
9) Family, those people that God has biologically placed in my life, are a gift from God; and even more so, family that can genuinely be called friends are a rare and precious treasure that should be invested in, loved deeply, and never let go of.
10) Never should I ever wear a mask, disguising who I really am and who God has made me to be. There is freedom in stripping off the masks and disguises of perfection and "togetherness" and laying them at the foot of the Cross of Jesus Christ, where they belong. Redemption, Salvation, Forgiveness - they all flow from Emmanuel's veins; for He is my Redeemer, my Savior, my Rock, and my Father. Laying at the foot of the Cross, stripping off the vain strivings and labels of perfection, is a very humiliating thing. Yet it is in brokenness that there is freedom to become whole - truly whole.
11) There is a true freedom in learning how to dream; I don't mean "realistic dreams" that I can always come up with and see happen. The dreams that I am talking about are those that can only happen if the Lord is involved; there is freedom in faith that believes the impossible.
12) There is a special reverence in the gathering of some of the saints of Jesus Christ to worship Him freely together in one place - hands lifted, voices raised, knees bowed, prayers prayed. There is simply nothing like it and I cannot wait for Heaven, which wll be a perfect picture of this marred and broken one that I still find beautiful.
13) I do not know all that I thought I knew - about myself, about God, about life and living. Knowing Him means wanting to know Him more - intimately, truly, and deeply.
14) The Lord wants us to enjoy this life that He has given us - from the people He has blessed us with down to the trees and grass that He has created (which I have come to enjoy even more immensely after being separated from so much of God's creation since being in the big city of Chicago).
15) Rainbows in the sky truly are a sign of promise. I remember His faithfulness in the past and am encouraged by it, knowing that He remains and will remain faithful. It never fails. He never fails.
16) GO. DO. Whatever it is that God wants me to go and do - I must go after it. Nothing is too big for such a big God; nothing is too far out of reach to the God who holds the whole world in His hands; all things are His and therefore I am always provided for - exactly what I need, exactly when I need it. It has never failed. He has never failed.
17) "The Lord's timing is perfect." I hear it; but do I really hear it? It is perfect. I should not rush what He tells me to be patient for. I should not worry about what door He has not yet opened or closed. His timing is perfectly good, perfectly timed, and perfectly right.
18) I must seize every opportunity that the Lord gives me; to not do so is a sin. Jesus clung to His Father's Will as food (John 4:34); I am called to follow in His footesteps (1 Peter 2:21). And I must remember that love is no easy thing, but it is rewarded with joy - so much joy.
19) Joy is not always a feeling, but when it manifests itself as such it is an overflowing thing. It is as if my heart is literally bubbling over with something that I cannot contain and I cannot help but to express back to the Lord and to those around me.
20) And, lastly, one of the biggest things that I learned is that God's Word is alive and active (Hebrews 4:12). God's Word says it but it has taken me 19 years to truly believe it. It is living and active - alive and truly working in my life. When I read it, I hunger for more of it. When I come into His Presence, I realize how thirsty my heart truly is and so I thirst for Him even more. When I read His Word for what it really is - the true, living, Word of God - I am simply and genuinely overwhelmed and in awe of who He is and what He has done for such a lowly, sinful creature as myself. Redemption flows from the grace of the Cross and therefore it can be mine; it is mine. Thank You, Father.
This is a list of only twenty of the non-academic things that God has taught me my freshman year at Moody Bible Institute. There are many more and I am trusting that in the next few years the Lord will continue to teach me many things about myself, about life, and about Himself.
May I grow ever deeper in love with Jesus and delight myself in Him more and more every day, resting in His peace, growing in His love, enjoying His presence, and living in His grace. Amen.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Real Contentment
Where is true contentment found? What does it mean to be truly content?
These are questions that I have been pondering the past few days. Even though I know that true contentment is found in Christ and in Christ alone, I wonder how I know so many Christians who are discontent and so few who are truly content with their lives; and I wonder how I can sometimes be so discontent with where the Lord has me in my own life.
This can be seen in a number of "subtle" ways:
When I complain about the changes in my life, am I not showing that I am discontent with what God has allowed in my life? When I worry about the future, am I not revealing that I am discontent with the Lord's faithfulness in my life? When I am negative about my job, am I not discontent with the Lord's provision in my life? When I am bitter about my life, am I not truly saying that I am discontent with the Lord's sovereignty in where He has me right now? When I wish for a relationship or a friendship or money or possessions that I do not have, am I not actually discontent with the Lord's goodness in what He has given me?
Oh, Lord, forgive this undeserving and discontented heart.
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1, italics mine).
That word - season - has been a recurring thought in my mind for the past few days as I have been pondering what true contentment is. It is obvious that there are different seasons of life as we all grow older. However, each of our lives is filled with different life seasons that we can either resist or embrace; we can either be discontent with where the Lord has us or we can be content in knowing that He has us exactly where He wants us.
True contentment is not found in pretending. It is not found in putting on a facade, a mask, fooling ourselves and others that we are content with the way that our lives are. True contentment is not "faking it 'til you make it" - living in self-deception until your heart and mind believe that you are content. True contentment is not found in temporal pleasures and treasures that this world offers; how can one find true contentment in those things which are temporary and fleeting? True contentment is not found in friendships and relationships; how can true contentment be found in mere human beings who will never fail to disappoint and who can never fulfill every need of our heart and life? True contentment is found in only one place - in the Will of God our Father who loves us and has a plan for us.
God may have you in a season of desperation - of tragedy, of loss, of pain. He may have you in a season of change or of loneliness or of mourning. Ecclesiastes says that "for everything there is a season", including a time to die, to weep, to mourn, and to lose. However, there is also a time for healing and laughing and dancing. The Lord has a purpose for everything and to deny that is to deny His sovereignty and His faithfulness and His goodness. Those in a relationship with Christ have found true treasure and should be the most contented and joyful people in the world. It is a tragedy that so many Christians are unhappy and discontent.
True contentment is found solely - only, completely, wholly - in Christ and in Christ alone. Until we realize this, we will never be content. Life is full of changes and nothing except Christ, our Solid Rock, is consistent and unchanging.
And for this, I praise the One who gave me life - this particular life - for it is Him who gives me my every breath and it is for Him that my every breath is breathed. It is Him who has placed me here for such a time as this, Him who has formed my life, and Him who knows the end from the beginning and the big picture that I cannot see. It is Him who is faithful, who is true, who is consistent, who is unchanging, and whose promises and love are unfailing. And it is in Him that I can be truly relieved, loved, and content. Thank You, Father.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
For the Faint of Heart
I thought that I was convinced that life is not for the faint of heart - for those who cannot endure hardship and tragedy and pain. That we must be strong enough to push through the hardships of life and strong enough to even doubt and deny the pain that we are going through just so that we can be seen as "fearless" or "courageous" or perhaps even more "spiritual" than those who obviously struggle through the pain of life.
Then I realized that life really is for the faint of heart, those who are too weak to fight through the battles of every day and those who are too tired to press on through the struggles, tragedies, temptations, and despairs of life.
For Jesus says to us, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9); I echo Paul, "For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10). And I rest in Christ's promise to me: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).
Life can be hard. There is no reason to deny the heartaches and the struggles that we all face. It is not a more "spiritual" act to deny and ignore the struggles and the pains of life. No, I am convinced that it would be more "spiritual" to admit, with Paul, that we are weak, that we are tired, that we need the Lord's grace and strength to fight the daily battles of life and to press on without giving up.
""Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain" (1 Corinthians 15:58).
Change can be hard. There is no reason for me to deny that the changes that I have come home to are not sometimes hard or painful or a struggle for me. I am convinced that it would be better for me to admit that I am faint at heart, that I need His grace and His strength to not only accept the change, but to embrace it without cynicism or fear or doubt of His goodness and graciousness towards His own.
It is in relinquishing the control that is already His that I find freedom. It is in opening up my hands and letting go that I find an inexpressible peace. It is in taking those now open hands and embracing my Father that I find an insurmountable joy that my heart truly cannot contain. Sometimes my heart overflows its joy into what I call "excitement chills"; they happen once in a while, as those closest to me can attest to. It happened tonight as I was driving through the beautiful country, reminiscing about the past and dreaming about the future that the Lord has for me. I was thinking of all of the "broken puzzle pieces" that seem to make up parts of my life and how those very things are being used to create a beautiful picture of redemption and of love and of hope - His redemption and His love and His hope. I cannot see the big picture; I cannot see the heavenly realms and what the Lord's purposes are in what He does and in what He allows. But I can trust that He is sovereign over all and that He uses broken and humble and weak and tired people to accomplish His purposes - for it is in these kinds of people that He is able to reveal His glory most... for all will know that it is His grace and His strength that deserve the credit. Amen. May all glory be given to Him, to Whom it is due.
Yes, life is for the faint of heart. There is hope in the despair. There is a constant in the change. There is a foundation in the earthquakes. There is love in the loneliness. There is strength in the weakness. There is rest in the exhaustion. There are hands that hold the world. And there is a God who loves us and desires to call us His own.
By His grace, I am His own. And that makes all the difference in all of my life for all of eternity.
Then I realized that life really is for the faint of heart, those who are too weak to fight through the battles of every day and those who are too tired to press on through the struggles, tragedies, temptations, and despairs of life.
For Jesus says to us, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9); I echo Paul, "For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10). And I rest in Christ's promise to me: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).
Life can be hard. There is no reason to deny the heartaches and the struggles that we all face. It is not a more "spiritual" act to deny and ignore the struggles and the pains of life. No, I am convinced that it would be more "spiritual" to admit, with Paul, that we are weak, that we are tired, that we need the Lord's grace and strength to fight the daily battles of life and to press on without giving up.
""Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain" (1 Corinthians 15:58).
Change can be hard. There is no reason for me to deny that the changes that I have come home to are not sometimes hard or painful or a struggle for me. I am convinced that it would be better for me to admit that I am faint at heart, that I need His grace and His strength to not only accept the change, but to embrace it without cynicism or fear or doubt of His goodness and graciousness towards His own.
It is in relinquishing the control that is already His that I find freedom. It is in opening up my hands and letting go that I find an inexpressible peace. It is in taking those now open hands and embracing my Father that I find an insurmountable joy that my heart truly cannot contain. Sometimes my heart overflows its joy into what I call "excitement chills"; they happen once in a while, as those closest to me can attest to. It happened tonight as I was driving through the beautiful country, reminiscing about the past and dreaming about the future that the Lord has for me. I was thinking of all of the "broken puzzle pieces" that seem to make up parts of my life and how those very things are being used to create a beautiful picture of redemption and of love and of hope - His redemption and His love and His hope. I cannot see the big picture; I cannot see the heavenly realms and what the Lord's purposes are in what He does and in what He allows. But I can trust that He is sovereign over all and that He uses broken and humble and weak and tired people to accomplish His purposes - for it is in these kinds of people that He is able to reveal His glory most... for all will know that it is His grace and His strength that deserve the credit. Amen. May all glory be given to Him, to Whom it is due.
Yes, life is for the faint of heart. There is hope in the despair. There is a constant in the change. There is a foundation in the earthquakes. There is love in the loneliness. There is strength in the weakness. There is rest in the exhaustion. There are hands that hold the world. And there is a God who loves us and desires to call us His own.
By His grace, I am His own. And that makes all the difference in all of my life for all of eternity.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
His Relentless Pursuit
Sometimes, I just need to go for a run. Alone. My heart has been full of so many things - wondering about what the future holds, worrying about what these next few years will bring, and yet yearning to find contentment in Christ and in Christ alone. With every step past all of the expensive stores and restaraunts and people walking and running from place to place, I was once again confused as to how I got here - to this big city full of so many people and places unlike anywhere I would have ever imagined myself to be.
I ran across the street and down through the tunnel leading to the beach that I have come to know from the many late night walks, sand fights, rock skipping contests, games of "ninja" and volleyball, runs along the beach, and even the one sunrise - all with great friends that the Lord has blessed me with. On this particular afternoon, I was running alone along the water's edge, where the waves were coming up higher than usual and washing on the shore with a stronger force than normal. I slowed to a walk and decided that I would use this time to pray out loud. I walked along the edge of the water, just speaking all of the words that have been heavy on my heart, voicing all of the thoughts that have needed to be voiced to my Father for some time. There is something so freeing about being able to let go of the burdens that have been on my heart and leave them at the Father's feet, where they belong.
I walked onto the small pier that jutted out into the lake. The wind was strong and the waves continued to force themselves up over the pier and splash me, despite my attempts to run away from them. As I neared the end of the pier, I turned around and saw the city - the skyline of the buildings behind the lake and the beach; I saw the place that I have come to call my home sometime during these past ten months. Another big wave came, this time splashing me so that my clothes got wet. I just laughed.
God, You are so faithful. You have brought me to this place despite all of my fights and fears. Like these waves, You have been pursuing me all of my life. Your love is unchanging; Your grace unending; Your faithfulness unfailing. I do not and will not ever understand why You are so faithful to me, to have brought me to such a place as this and to have given me all of these great opportunities for ministry... things that I have been dreaming about for years are becoming a reality. You have promised to be faithful - and You have been true to that promise yesterday and today and that is why I can know that You will be true tomorrow.
I turned around, ready to run back down the pier where the waves would stop splashing me. As I turned around, a wave once again came crashing across the pier, but this time it created a rainbow across the water. I was wet and the wind was blowing with so much force, creating relentless waves... but I just laughed. A rainbow, a sign of promise, a sign to me of God's unending and undenying faithfulness. Just like the waves, His love for me and His faithfulness to me are relentless. I do not understand why; I never will. All I know is the truth of His words and the evidence of His faithfulness in my life.
I began to run back down the pier, feeling as though the waves were chasing me because of their relentless pursuit, crashing onto the pier and creating puddles that I splashed through. I was overwhelmed. In the past, God has taken me to so many places and has changed my life in a way that I never would have ever imagined possible. Today, God has brought me to a place where I never would have come on my own and has continually been faithful to me every day, in the big and in the small areas of my life. And this is why I know that He will continue to be faithful to me tomorrow, relentlessly pursuing me and taking care of the areas of my life that I worry about, knowing my heart and its desires, and giving me what is best for my life and for the furtherance of His Kingdom.
All of these things that are in my heart and all of these situations that I worry about, are already in His sovereign hands. And, therefore, I must leave them there.
"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7
And that is a truth and a promise that I can rest in; the God of the universe cares for me. And this is why I can know that greater things are yet to come and greater things are yet to be done. This is why I have this peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7). This is why I can find true contentment in Christ. Nothing compares to this. How deep the Father's love for us.
Praise God.
I ran across the street and down through the tunnel leading to the beach that I have come to know from the many late night walks, sand fights, rock skipping contests, games of "ninja" and volleyball, runs along the beach, and even the one sunrise - all with great friends that the Lord has blessed me with. On this particular afternoon, I was running alone along the water's edge, where the waves were coming up higher than usual and washing on the shore with a stronger force than normal. I slowed to a walk and decided that I would use this time to pray out loud. I walked along the edge of the water, just speaking all of the words that have been heavy on my heart, voicing all of the thoughts that have needed to be voiced to my Father for some time. There is something so freeing about being able to let go of the burdens that have been on my heart and leave them at the Father's feet, where they belong.
I walked onto the small pier that jutted out into the lake. The wind was strong and the waves continued to force themselves up over the pier and splash me, despite my attempts to run away from them. As I neared the end of the pier, I turned around and saw the city - the skyline of the buildings behind the lake and the beach; I saw the place that I have come to call my home sometime during these past ten months. Another big wave came, this time splashing me so that my clothes got wet. I just laughed.
God, You are so faithful. You have brought me to this place despite all of my fights and fears. Like these waves, You have been pursuing me all of my life. Your love is unchanging; Your grace unending; Your faithfulness unfailing. I do not and will not ever understand why You are so faithful to me, to have brought me to such a place as this and to have given me all of these great opportunities for ministry... things that I have been dreaming about for years are becoming a reality. You have promised to be faithful - and You have been true to that promise yesterday and today and that is why I can know that You will be true tomorrow.
I turned around, ready to run back down the pier where the waves would stop splashing me. As I turned around, a wave once again came crashing across the pier, but this time it created a rainbow across the water. I was wet and the wind was blowing with so much force, creating relentless waves... but I just laughed. A rainbow, a sign of promise, a sign to me of God's unending and undenying faithfulness. Just like the waves, His love for me and His faithfulness to me are relentless. I do not understand why; I never will. All I know is the truth of His words and the evidence of His faithfulness in my life.
I began to run back down the pier, feeling as though the waves were chasing me because of their relentless pursuit, crashing onto the pier and creating puddles that I splashed through. I was overwhelmed. In the past, God has taken me to so many places and has changed my life in a way that I never would have ever imagined possible. Today, God has brought me to a place where I never would have come on my own and has continually been faithful to me every day, in the big and in the small areas of my life. And this is why I know that He will continue to be faithful to me tomorrow, relentlessly pursuing me and taking care of the areas of my life that I worry about, knowing my heart and its desires, and giving me what is best for my life and for the furtherance of His Kingdom.
All of these things that are in my heart and all of these situations that I worry about, are already in His sovereign hands. And, therefore, I must leave them there.
"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7
And that is a truth and a promise that I can rest in; the God of the universe cares for me. And this is why I can know that greater things are yet to come and greater things are yet to be done. This is why I have this peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7). This is why I can find true contentment in Christ. Nothing compares to this. How deep the Father's love for us.
Praise God.
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