Spiritual Highs and Lows

Sorry I haven't been posting on here every day. I've been in kind of a slump lately. I haven't been doing my checklist for Proverbs, just reading it. I've been getting up really late. I'm still behind in my World Religions and Creative Writing classes. I've been questioning my music standards. I've been saying the wrong things at the wrong times. I've been stressed. I've been being stretched spiritually [which is not a bad thing]. My patience has been being tested so much lately. Have I been responding to all of these things in the right way? I wish I could say that I have. But I haven't.

I've taken my stress out on my family. My relationship with God hasn't been the way that it should be, because of my own selfishness and foolishness. I have been calling myself a fool lately, because of different things I've said and done. I will admit it right now: I am not perfect. And as long as I'm here on this earth, I won't be. But, I should be striving to be more like Christ. Have I been? Not like I should be. Sometimes I feel like such a complete failure. Yet God accepts me. He accepts me.

I need to be obeying God in ALL that I do, and I will have a successful life. I've been falling back into the whole "hurry sickness" thing again [read post "hurry sickness"]. I hate when I get into these valleys in my walk with Christ, but I realize I must go through these in order to get back up on the mountain. But may my highs not be so high, and my lows not be so low. When my highs with God are so high, then my lows seem very, very low. I need to be taking control of the decisions that I make everyday, of the motivations behind those decisions, and what I believe in and why.

Today I got up late and read Proverbs 29. Then I babysat my little sister for a while, so we baked a cake and watched Scooby Doo. I love my little sister. :] Then I did some homework, then went to the library, then came home and did some more homework. I sent out some emails, and went to the store with Mom. We saw a shooting star on the way home! It was so cool. I love God's beauty. He is so beautiful that He would create all of the variety and beauty of this earth. And to think that Heaven is going to be even more beautiful... just to think of it astounds me.

Something to think about:
Are the choices you're making today going to ashame you when you come before God one day? Because we will all go before God. Of course, you can ask for forgiveness for your past mistakes, but I'm talking about your present. Are your present choices going to make a positive difference for eternity? Or do they only matter here on earth? Are your present choices going to put you to shame when you come before God one day? Or are you striving to live for God in all that you do - in what you wear, in what music you listen to, in who you hang out with, in what you're reading, in where you're going, in the magazines you look at, etc. The world is a sinful and fallen place. But as Christians, as children of God, we have hope because there is a God out there Who cares and Who loves. And if you go to Him and accept Him and follow Him you will be saved, you will live in Heaven with God for eternity. For eternity.

How beautiful God really is!

Belong

In church today Pastor Bill was talking about being an original. There are so many people today who were born an original [because we all are], but then live and die a copy. I don't know about you, but I don't want to live like that. I don't want to be a copy. All of us were born an original. We were all born a unique original. If you live your whole entire life trying to please everyone else, you're never going to get anywhere. No one everywhere is going to accept you. You may think you fit in, but someone somewhere is going to think you're "weird" - to put it bluntly. "Buuut I want to fit in with THAT group! I don't care what anyone else thinks of me." Why do you try so hard to fit in? Why do you try so hard to copy "her" or to fit in so "he" will notice you? Why do we try so hard to be accepted?

We are accepted!

We are accepted by the Lord Jesus Christ, Who came to live and die for you. He then rose from the grave for you. He broke the power of sin and death for you. He did this so that you could have Salvation if you ask Him for it. He did this because He loves you. He did this because He accepts you if you run to Him and ask Him to. He loves you. He is the only acceptance you will ever need. He is the only Person you will ever need - and even if that seems so hard to accept, believe it. You can be accepted by the "cool" crowd - you can hang out at all the "right" places with all the "right" people - but where is that getting you in life? If anywhere, it's taking you to the wrong place. Usually the "cool" crowd isn't the "right" crowd. And the crowd that isn't "right" usually does "wrong" things. So if you do all you can to "fit in", you'll make choices you'll later regret. You'll lose good friendships. I've seen it happen, so please believe me. Be authentic. Be real. Be who you really, truly, are. Please. God made you authentic, God made you unique, God made you YOU. Don't ever, ever, think that you need to "fit in" in places and crowds where you should not be. Remember that God accepts you JUST AS YOU ARE. And when you die and meet God, your "success" here on earth isn't going to matter at all.

Live looking up. Never live in the past, continually be aware of the choices that you're making in the present, and always look forward to the future.

Break

Wow, I can't believe Christmas is only 30 days away! We went and got a Christmas tree today. I think that I definitely love having a real tree in the house over an artificial one. It smells so goood and it's so purrtyy. :]

My Thanksgiving Break is going good. Darla slept over on Thursday night so she was over all day Friday. Today I went with my family to get a Christmas tree, and then just kind of hung around the house and helped decorate the tree the rest of the day. It's so nice to have a break from school and not have to worry about doing anything. Though I do have things I want to get done before school starts back up on Wednesday. But it's just so nice to have a break.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss is doing a really good series right now called "Seeking Him". Go to her website and sign up for her emails if you want to. You can sign up to get her radio series to your email address. It's a great series. Go here to sign up for them:
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/signup.php

"I love Jesus more than life itself"

Thankfulness

Well Thanksgiving was great [and fun]! We had a bunch of our family over. It was like 20-25 people. It was so nice, though.

I'm going to list some people and things I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for everyone who I got to share my Thanksgiving Day with yesterday:
-I'm thankful for Mom, who prepared most of it and made it all happen!
-I'm thankful for Dad, who helped to get everything ready [and who did the turkey... and showed me the heart of it. Eww. Haha.]
-I'm thankful for Matthew [my brother], who yes, can annoy me at times, but I love him anyway!
-I'm thankful for Maria, my sweet little sister and best friend. <3
-I'm thankful for Mamaw. I love her so much!
-I'm thankful for Ruth, who has become like part of the family.
-I'm thankful for Schuie, who I am so thankful could spend this day with us.
-I'm thankful for Darla [my best friend]. Love you girl!
-I'm thankful for the new baby Noah, who is healthy and adorable!
I'm thankful for all of my other family/family friends.
I'm thankful for my girls at Transformed!
I'm thankful for Emily K., thank you so much for your encouragement!
I'm thankful for Ana, thank you for always sticking by me!
I'm thankful for Emily B., who God has placed in my life at a time where I really needed you! Thank you for everything, Emily.
I'm thankful for Emily S., who continues to be a good example for me of a humble, Godly, person.
I'm thankful for Moriah, who shares my love for the country! :]
I'm thankful for Lacee, who has become a good friend of mine. I'm so glad God brought us together as friends again, Lacee!
I'm thankful for ALL of my other amazing friends!
I'm thankful for my salvation.
I'm thankful for food.
I'm thankful for my house.
I'm thankful for my freedoms.
I'm thankful for those who fight for our freedoms.
I'm thankful for my health.
I'm thankful for all of the "material things" God has blessed me with.
I'm thankful for God's beautiful creation.
I'm thankful for who God created me to be, and I continue to find out exactly who that is.
I'm thankful for God's Word.
I'm thankful for inspiring, God-honoring, music.
I'm thankful for life.
I'm thankful for love.
I'm thankful for joy.
I'm thankful for friendship.
I'm thankful for good memories.

But most of all, above all of these wonderful things, I am thankful for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Who continues to guide me, lead me, and teach me. I love You, Jesus. You are my Counselor, my Redeemer, my Savior, my Best Friend. I will follow You all of the days of my life!

"In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you."
-John 14:2

"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."
-Psalm 23:6

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."
-Joshua 24:15b

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our 'God is a consuming fire.'"
-Hebrews 12:28-29

God's Guidance

Wow... I was doing school from 8 AM to 5 PM today! And I still have homework to do over the break. Speaking of break, YEAH, it's finally here!! I need a break from school so bad.

I've been a little confused lately on my music standards and my TV standards and a bunch of other "gray" areas of my life. BUT is there even "gray" areas? I don't really think that there is. I think there's just areas in our lives where we need to rely on God's guidance and discernment for what we need to do [though we should be relying on His guidance and discernment in EVERY decision, EVERY situation, etc.]. And then when we feel that God is telling us to stop doing something, we need to obey Him and stop. When we hear God's guidance, we need to listen to it. But it's in those times when I don't hear God's voice and guidance and discernment that I get confused on. Either I'm ignoring God's voice, I'm not listening for His voice, or there's something in my life that is blocking out God's voice from my life [sin]. I'm not sure which one it is. I want to find out, though, because I feel confused on decisions that I should be making in my life right now about my different morals and standards. People have so many different points-of-view and opinions that I realize I need to know what I believe and WHY and that it needs to be a Biblical, from-God, decision.

"let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance-"
-Proverbs 1:5

http://freerice.com/

Check out the above website and donate rice to those who need food by answering the questions!!

Anger

Wellll let's just say that I didn't have a very good day today. I think I woke up around 9:30. Then I did something for my mom and sister and then read my Proverbs. Then I did a couple things. And okay, here comes the sad/stupid/shameful part... I got so angry - SO ANGRY - because things weren't going right for me. I got so furious because I was unorganized and I seriously couldn't take it anymore. I think I had the kind of anger that Jesus talks about in Matthew 5:21-22, "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment." Jesus compared anger to murder! And as angry as I was today, I think you could call it a murderous anger. I hate to admit that, I really do. I haven't gotten that angry for a long time. My patience has been being tested so much lately and today I just bursted over a stupid thing.

Ephesians 4:31 says, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." I'm working on it. And I asked God to calm me down, and I was calmed down. Then my flesh took over and I got real angry AGAIN.

I was so busy today, and whenever I would try to sit down and just get on the internet, I would have to do something else. Then I had to leave. I was just so stressed out today. But then my Grandma called and said that my aunt Deanna had her baby! She had a little baby boy! He is soo adorable!! His name is Noah. I love babies. My aunt is doing great right now. Thanks to all of you who have been praying for her! Please keep praying that she will continue to have a good recovery.

"Take You Back"
by Jeremy Camp

The reason why I stand
The answer lies in You
You hung to make me strong
Though my praise was few

When I fall I bring Your Name down
But I have found in You
A heart that bleeds forgiveness
Replacing all these thoughts of
Painful memories
But I know that
Your response will always be

"I'll take you back.
Always.
Even when your fight is over now,
Even when your fight is over now,
I'll take you back.
Always.
Even when the pain is coming through,
Even when the pain is coming through,
I'll take you back."

You satisfy this cry
Of what I'm lookin' for
And I'll take all I can
And lay it down before
The throne of endless grace now
That radiates what's true
I'm in the only place that
Erases all these faults that
Have overtaken me
But I know that
Your response will always be,

"I'll take you back
Always.
Even when your fight is over now,
Even when your fight is over now,
I'll take you back.
Always.
Even when the pain is coming through,
Even when the pain is coming through,
I'll take you back."

I can only speak with a grateful heart,
As I'm pierced by this gift of Your love.
I will always bring an offering.
I can never thank You enough.

You take me back,
Always.
Even when my fight is over now,
Even when my fight is over now,
You take me back.
Always.
Even when my pain is coming through,
Even when my pain is coming through,
You take me back.
Always.
Even when my fight is over now,
Even when my fight is over now,
You take me back.
Always.
Even when my pain is coming through,
Even when my pain is coming through,
You take me back.

Anxiety About the Future

I woke up around 9:20 this morning and missed one of my classes. I was so exhausted. I went to one of my classes and then went back to sleep around 11:00 and slept until around 12:30. Then I ate lunch and baked cookies. Then I caught up on my classes that I missed. I'm sick, so the rest that I got I did need. God has been working with me in the area of hurry sickness [read the post "Hurry Sickness"] in that way [I just took the time to let my body rest] and in other ways throughout the day today. My mom, my sister, and me went shopping tonight and we were at a busy intersection and for some reason the light would NOT turn green. I think something was wrong with the light. But neither of us got mad or even impatient [me and my mom are both trying to work on this] which was kinda surprising. We just turned left when the left arrow [which was the only light that would let us go] turned yellow for us to go... So then we had to go around and get to where we were going a different way. But something one of my old teachers used to say about getting behind a slow driver, "Whenever I get behind a slow driver, I think about the person in front of me being an angel from God, protecting me." Because think about it; Maybe if you hadn't of gotten behind that slow driver you would've gotten in an accident farther up the road.

Something else that God worked on me with today was my self-image. I felt awful today because I'm sick and exhausted. So I didn't feel too pretty haha. But God kept reminding me about what I've been reading about in "The Truth About Guys" book [read previous post] and how I'm valuable and beautiful and outside looks are NOT all that matter!

We actually didn't have Bible Study tonight because I wasn't feeling well and it's at my house... and Darla was sick, too. Ana and Emily K. couldn't make it either, so I think it was better to just skip this week. I would have loved to have it, and I didn't want to cancel it, but I was going to be leading this week and I was so tired and everything. I am feeling better, though!

I got some Christmas shopping done tonight. I can't believe there's only 35 days left until Christmas! It seems like Christmas was just over! The years go so fast anymore.

Which brings me to another point - I really have no idea what my future holds. I could worry and worry and worry about it, but I realize that that is just a waste of my time, my energy, and my emotions.

Jesus tells us not to worry [Matthew 6:34].
Jesus tells us that He will give us the desires of our hearts if we delight ourselves in Him [Psalm 37:4].
Jesus tells us that He knows the plans He has for us[Jeremiah 29:11].
Jesus says that He will work out the plans for our lives [Psalm 138:8].
Jesus says that everything works together for those who love Him and to those who are called according to His purpose [Romans 8:28].
Jesus says to cast all of our anxiety on Him, because He cares for us [1 Peter 5:7].

So why worry? I have no reason - no reason - to worry. God is in control.