God of This City

There is a battle waging within me. I am torn. The Lord has given me an answer about where He is calling me to be next summer, and it does not match up with my desires. And yet I knew when I was saying good-bye to the Chuukese in the airport... when little Shawn whispered to me, "Remember"... when Mahlie handed me a necklace as a farewell gift... when they stood in a line as we said good-bye and asked me if I was going to come back next summer. I knew it as I smiled and waved to the children who were waving wildly to us through the window. I walked on, trying hard to be strong... but as I sat in the small airport, I just broke.

Something wasn't right and I felt unsettled. I was never going to see those children again? It didn't seem real. It didn't seem as though things were settled. I didn't think that God was done with me there yet. I miss it. I miss it all. I desire to go back there so badly... yet I knew then and I know now that God is calling me somewhere else this summer. Why? Every time that I think about it and every time that doubts fill my mind, God reminds me to just trust Him... and to follow Him.

We all have our stories of God's faithfulness to us. One of mine involves a song ~ "God of This City". As I sit here and listen to it right now, it brings so many thoughts and memories and moments to my mind and to my heart.

"You're the God of this city, You're the King of this people, You're the Lord of this nation... You are. You're the light in this darkness, You're the hope to the hopeless, You're the peace to the restless, You are. There is no one like our God. There is no one like our God. For greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city... Greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done here."

This song was played in the Kurassa Hotel room on Jen's laptop one day in Chuuk. I smiled, knowing that great things were going to be done in Chuuk and that great things were happening, not only in Chuuk but in my heart and in my life.

It was during this song that I raised my hands in surrender to God and to "this city". "Lord, wherever 'this city' is for me next summer is where I want to be," was the cry of my heart. It was during this song that God set me free and it was during this song that, by God's grace, I let go of Chuuk. After this song and after the worship service that I was at where we sang this song, I felt like a new person. I no longer had a desire to go back to Chuuk because I just wanted whatever God had for me.


Three different times now, this song has come on the radio right after or during a time where I was doubting where God is calling me. One time I was actually having a conversation about my doubts, when this song pierced my thoughts. It is as if it is God's way of reminding me of all of the things that happened this summer, of the time when I let go of my desires, of the life-changing experience that God led me on, and of the life-changing journey that He is leading me on.

It is as if God loosened the chains and I have tightened them again. Last year I was terrified of where God was calling me; this year I am yearning to go back. Last year I thought it was impossible for me to go to Chuuk; this year I know that it is possible for me to go to where God is calling me, and yet my desires are not quite lined up with His. Last year I was hesitant to go; this year I am hesitant about what it is that God has for me and where He is calling me to go. Last year when I signed up for Chuuk I thought that I was signing my life away. This year, I believe that every step I take to follow Christ is another step in signing my life away ~ to the One who can take it and change it and make it useful for His Glory... to the One who gives it purpose and meaning... And because of Him, great things are going to be done. There are greater things still to be done here. And until I breathe my last breath, He is not finished with my life.

Lord, may every breath I take and every move I make be pleasing in Your sight. May my life and the way that I live it bring You honor and glory and praise.

"Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come." (Revelation 4:8)

May that be the heartcry of my life as long as I live it. I know that greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done... may I believe it deep in my heart so that I can live out this life that You have set before me with not only a willingness, but a passion and a joy and an excitement that can only come when I am living for you and with You...

Hidden Beauty

A complete, colorful double rainbow stretched across the deep blue ocean and over the dark islands in the distance. The white sandy beach next to the lush, deep green of the grass stood in breath-taking contrast. The aftermath of the near typhoon moved the leaves of the palm trees and they swished in the breeze. The small boat speeding over the vast waters of the ocean under the bow of the rainbow completed the scene and I stood in silent awe. It was a painting airbrushed across the sky to perfection as only God can do. This was Chuuk, Micronesia, a group of islands in the middle of nowhere in the Pacific Ocean. This was Weno, the main island of the islands. Even more beautiful than the scenery was something else, something easily overlooked, and something easily missed.

I had the honor of going to one of the outer islands, Parem, for five days. It was a beautiful, very primitive, tropical island. One night, I stood at the shore of the clear waters of the ocean as the sun began to set behind the distant islands. The sky and the clouds were at first a soft, fluffy pink. The sky then turned full of vibrant reds and oranges, as if the distant islands were ablaze with a dangerous fire. Then, as if it only wanted to intimidate and show off its glory for a brief time, the sky then turned soft once again as the last ray of sunlight flashed itself behind the islands in the distance. It was a gorgeous sight, unlike any other.
Early one morning, I awoke to the most beautiful sunrise I have ever witnessed. I walked onto the white balcony overlooking the small town of the main island. The ocean was right beyond the palm trees that stood aright in the still morning air. The sun shone right through these palm trees, highlighting them and painting a beautiful scene. I could only stand in awe and with a smile say, “Thank You, God.” It was a portrait painted for me by my Savior and I could not help but stand in awe.

Beyond the beautiful, breath-taking scenery of these islands is something even more beautiful. It is something that simple passersby will never see and something that many people do not take the time to notice. It is the people who live there. I still remember the faces of many of them vividly. I can see them even more vividly than I can see the colorful rainbow or the bright sunrise or the vibrant sunset. The dark, beautiful complexions of these islanders only highlight the true beauty of their hearts. I came back to America feeling as though I live in a poor nation who has turned all of its blessings of wealth and prosperity into a curse of dread and depression. The joy reverberating from the hearts of these people surpassed all of their dirty, poverty-stricken homes and towns.

I went to these islands with the intention of helping the children learn basic English and to teach them of the love that Jesus has for each and every one of them. And while I did help out with that, it seems the situation got completely turned around. On those beautiful, primitive, tropical islands I got taught some very important lessons by small island children. Walking hand-in-hand through the mountains of the island with a little girl, I was taught how to love. Playing with the children on the beach of the outer island, I was taught how to laugh genuinely and straight from the heart. Throwing a Frisbee with a little girl, time passing away, I was taught how to live and to enjoy life. Yes, I am sure that there is nothing more beautiful about these tropical Pacific islands than the people who live there.

Love Notes from God

So I was listening to the radio today and the speaker on was talking about what a letter from Jesus might sound like. I loved what he was saying and decided that I would write my own. Before I write this, I just want to say that I am in no way trying to put words in God's mouth. I would never want to do that to my Holy God. It is just something that I was thinking about and wanted to share.

Note: "Agape" is a Greek word for "love" meaning "self-sacrificing". It is a self-sacrificial love.
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Dear Child,

I love you. I saw you walking with your friends today. You were laughing as if you had no care in the world. When will you let Me join you? I miss you. I wanted to let you know how much I love you, so I sent you a sunset last night. It was beautiful. It had the most vibrant reds and oranges in it. You didn't notice it, though. You seemed to be busy with your studies and with everything else going on last night. I wish that you would "make a date" with Me, though, like you do with your friends. I just want to spend time with you.

I tried again this morning to show you how much I love you by sending you a beautiful sunrise. I sent it as a reminder of My promise in Lamentations 3:22-23 that My mercies are new every morning and that they will not fail... But you woke up too late to see it and rushed off to school and work and play. When will you see Me?

I sent you a beautiful blue sky today, but you didn't take much time to look up to even see it. And when you did, you never did notice it. I also sent you rain today to water your land. You didn't think of it that way and instead complained about it. The beautiful rainbow that I painted in the sky after the rain you did not even see because you had been complaining about the rain. It was even full of your favorite colors, sketched to perfection as only I can do. And I did it for you... because I love you.

There you go... where are you going, Child? I miss you. Please draw near to Me for I desperately long to draw near to you (James 4:8). Do you never hear Me in the quiet whisper of the wind that is blowing past your face? Do you never see Me in the morning sunshine? Do you not ever taste and see that I am good (Psalm 34:8)?

Or are you looking for something more? Was not My quiet birth in the animal stable or My death on the cross not enough for you? I gave you all that I have. Why will you not give yourself back to Me? I want what is best for you and I would love more than anything for you to free yourself of everything else so that I can give you what I have for you.

I know that there are many people in the world who have hurt you with false promises. My promises stand and have stood always and will stand forever. I am faithful (Hebrews 10:23) and I love you with a love that no person has ever shown you or has the capacity to show you. I want to show you that love. When will you notice it?

And when will you stop calling me "the Lord" and "the Savior" and start genuinely calling me "my Lord" and "my Savior"? I long to hear it from your heart.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). Please come to Me, Child. I long to give you the rest that you desperately desire and need. Give Me all your burdens. Yes, just lay them down at the foot of My Cross, where they belong.

Agape Love,
Jesus

Audience of One

I come on my knees

To lay down before You

Bringing all that I am

Longing only to know You

Seeking Your face

And not only Your hand

I find you embracing me

Just as I am

To my Audience of One

You are Father, and You are Son

As Your Spirit flows free,

Let it find within me

A heart that beats to praise You.

And now just to know You more

Has become my great reward

To see Your kingdom come

And Your will be done

I only desire to be Yours, Lord.

"Audience of One" ~Big Daddy Weave

A Consuming Fire

"Be careful not to forget the covenant of the LORD your God that He made with you; do not make for yourselves an idol in the form of anything the LORD your God has forbidden. For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God."
-Deuteronomy 4:23-24

Challenge: Is there anything in my life that I have allowed to become an idol, anything that I have allowed to get in the way of mine and Christ's relationship, anything that has replaced my love for the Lord, anything that has caused me to not give over even a small part of my heart or of my plans, anything that is consuming my passion other than Him, anything that is causing our relationship to not be intimate? If so, am I willing to get rid of the idol?

Never Give Up

"Be strong in the Lord and never give up hope. You're gonna do great things. I already know God's got His hand on you so don't live life in fear. Forgive and forget but don't forget why you're here. Take your time and pray and be thankful for each day."

-Sidewalk Prophets "Words I Would Say"

My Mission is Home

Could I want a good thing so much, yet find out that it's not a God thing? I think that I know the answer to that question that has been swirling around through my mind lately.

Chuuk and the people of it have continually been on my heart. I feel as though I would go back in a heartbeat ~ and give up any of my "material comforts" here in America to go back and spend time with those people and those children again.

Saying good-bye was one of the hardest parts of the entire trip...

And looking back at the pictures, at the memories, at the seashells that the children gave to me when we played on the beach, at the necklace that Mahlie gave me, at the smiles on the kids' faces... Looking back at all of that seems to be even harder than saying good-bye.

However, God has been teaching me that through all of this I could easily become selfish. If it were up to me, I would go back to Chuuk in a heartbeat!

However, God obviously wants me here for a reason... right here and right now! I shouldn't question the Will of God or sit back and wait until it all makes sense. I shouldn't question the ways of my Sovereign God. And I should not wish that I was somewhere else than where God wants me now. And obviously, right now, my mission is home.

I can be thankful for the opportunity that He gave me and I can thank Him for the time that He gave me with the children in Chuuk.

And I can be thankful for where He has me right now. I can use this passion that He has placed in my heart for the place that He has me in right now.

Maybe He wants me to go back or maybe He wants me somewhere else. Right now I know that He wants me here. And it is my prayer that I come to accept wholeheartedly and with joy every part of His Plan for my life!

Lead me to the cross,
Where Your love poured out
And bring me to my knees,
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself, I belong to You
Oh, lead me to Your heart
~Lead Me to the Cross