Saturday, August 29, 2009

A Suffocating Soul in a Dry and Barren Land

As you can see, I've decided to change my blog around a bit... and have decided to be a little more honest with it. I get a lot of inspiration from Katie's blog( and encourage you to go there and read her words.

It seems as though there are way too many things on my mind and on my heart to even begin writing it out. It has been almost a month since I walked off the airplane from being in Chuuk, Micronesia (8,000 miles away from home) onto the soil of America. There really don't seem to be words to describe how I felt about this. I was exhausted from the long hours of traveling, yet excited to see my family waiting for me in the airport.

I think it is just now hitting me that the trip is over ~ the long nights on the beach playing with the children, the great hospitality of the people of this small island, a little girl named Jerlyn teaching me Chuukese words and phrases, long hours of camps playing games, making crafts, teaching them Bible stories, teaching them English, the dance lessons from the children and adults in the church's pavilion, the love and gratefulness of the people...

America is different and for many weeks I experienced a culture shock. The clothes worn by teenage girls in America were so different from the long, beautiful, hand-made skirts worn by the women in Chuuk. The gratefulness and hospitality of the people of Chuuk puts to shame our stingy, ungrateful and selfish hearts. I suppose my eyes have never been opened this much.

We are a blind and complacent country. I am speaking to myself, and it saddens my heart. It is as if my soul is suffocating in this dry and barren land.

I can still see the children as they reached their little hands into the cooler to get out a bottle of water or whatever was available. There was one day where we had no water at all. I didn't hear a complaint from any of the children on the hot, exhausting day.

I can still see the big smile on Jerlyn's face as, another day, she carried my water bottle on our entire two-hour hike through the mountains of the island, joyfully. After asking her if she would like me to carry it or if she would like any of it, she said with a big smile, "No" and continued to walk beside me, hand-in-hand.

I can still see her sweet face as she tried to teach me words in her native language... "Now you say..." and she would tell me a phrase and ask me to repeat it. She was very patient with me and laughed joyfully at my mistakes.

I can still see Shawn, Mahlie, Winston, Welson, Wilson, Stevee, Esra, and the others as they played with us on the beach ~ joyfully and without a care in the world... as the sun began to set behind the distant islands and the sky turned a vibrant red, then softer, then dark.

I can still see the joy and excitement in little LuAnn's eyes as she saw me and sang out, "Molly, Molly!" I can still see the love in little Ann's eyes and the joy in Ervian's.

When I come back to America and all I can see is the true poverty of our hearts ~ the dry, yet content, state of the way that we are living... I experience an intense battle in my heart. I do not want to live like this. And I believe with all my heart that I don't have to.

Those children taught me what it really means to love... What it really means to live life with passion... What it really means to laugh with genuine joy.

I don't believe that I could have ever blessed or changed their lives as much as they have blessed and changed mine.

And I believe with all my heart that there are great things still to be done ~ here and anywhere that the Lord leads me... and you.

"I can do everything through Him Who strengthens me."
-Philippians 4:13

Monday, August 10, 2009

Nothing is Impossible

So it's been quite a while since I've updated... but God has been teaching me so, so much lately! As Sanctus Real's song, "Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)" quotes:

"Whatever You're doing inside of me,
It feels like chaos, yet somehow there's peace.
And though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
I'm giving into something heavenly."

God has been teaching me so much about myself lately. It is a very painful and stretching process, but yet at the same time I know that there is no other worthwhile way to live then to live striving to bring honor to God and His Holy Name.

I just recently came back from a three-week long missions trip about 8,000 miles away from home. As I write that, I almost can't believe my own written words. I would have never, ever, ever even considered doing something like that! Ever! I had so many fears before leaving that I thought were going to take me over... I felt like giving up and deciding not to go. I knew, though, that God had called me on a Mission ~ and I didn't want to miss it. Looking back, I am so glad that I went and answered the Call. It was probably three of the most stretching and draining weeks of my life, but I would so do it all over again.

I didn't come back on a spiritual high. I didn't come back feeling as though I had just had a mountaintop experience. I felt drained - emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I had a lot to process and, at first, I was too tired to even try to process it all. I am still processing everything and God is still teaching me things from it.

One thing He has been teaching me is that nothing is impossible. He asked me to do something impossible for me to do ~ so that He could show me how possible He is! He is awesome! He has been showing Himself to me lately in so many ways... and I think it's because my eyes are opened more to Him. It is so easy to fall into complacency and the rat-race of this culture and become blinded to Him and His Beauty and His beautiful plan and design! When I come to understand even a small part of it, it blows me away. Plain and simple, He is just awesome!

God has huge plans for each and every one of us. All we have to do is follow them. The road may be hard, but it is all so much more than worth it. There is always, always something to learn and no one is perfect... but living life for Christ is just unexplainable... Getting to know Him is just beautiful... Letting Him teach you things about yourself is a challenge, but very humbling... Living life on the straight and narrow is hard, because it's easy to get off balance ~ but nothing -NOTHING - can separate you from the Father's Love... and falling in love with the Father is unexplainable. I don't deserve to be able to get to know Him, but He loves us so much that He even wants to get to know us! It's just not comprehendable for me... but I suppose I don't need to completely understand God's Will to follow it! If so, I could be sitting around for quite a while, waiting around for every last detail to fall into place!

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
-Romans 8:38-39

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."
-Philippians 4:13

Could you imagine what this world would be like if we all really, truly believed that?