Spiritual Highs and Lows

Sorry I haven't been posting on here every day. I've been in kind of a slump lately. I haven't been doing my checklist for Proverbs, just reading it. I've been getting up really late. I'm still behind in my World Religions and Creative Writing classes. I've been questioning my music standards. I've been saying the wrong things at the wrong times. I've been stressed. I've been being stretched spiritually [which is not a bad thing]. My patience has been being tested so much lately. Have I been responding to all of these things in the right way? I wish I could say that I have. But I haven't.

I've taken my stress out on my family. My relationship with God hasn't been the way that it should be, because of my own selfishness and foolishness. I have been calling myself a fool lately, because of different things I've said and done. I will admit it right now: I am not perfect. And as long as I'm here on this earth, I won't be. But, I should be striving to be more like Christ. Have I been? Not like I should be. Sometimes I feel like such a complete failure. Yet God accepts me. He accepts me.

I need to be obeying God in ALL that I do, and I will have a successful life. I've been falling back into the whole "hurry sickness" thing again [read post "hurry sickness"]. I hate when I get into these valleys in my walk with Christ, but I realize I must go through these in order to get back up on the mountain. But may my highs not be so high, and my lows not be so low. When my highs with God are so high, then my lows seem very, very low. I need to be taking control of the decisions that I make everyday, of the motivations behind those decisions, and what I believe in and why.

Today I got up late and read Proverbs 29. Then I babysat my little sister for a while, so we baked a cake and watched Scooby Doo. I love my little sister. :] Then I did some homework, then went to the library, then came home and did some more homework. I sent out some emails, and went to the store with Mom. We saw a shooting star on the way home! It was so cool. I love God's beauty. He is so beautiful that He would create all of the variety and beauty of this earth. And to think that Heaven is going to be even more beautiful... just to think of it astounds me.

Something to think about:
Are the choices you're making today going to ashame you when you come before God one day? Because we will all go before God. Of course, you can ask for forgiveness for your past mistakes, but I'm talking about your present. Are your present choices going to make a positive difference for eternity? Or do they only matter here on earth? Are your present choices going to put you to shame when you come before God one day? Or are you striving to live for God in all that you do - in what you wear, in what music you listen to, in who you hang out with, in what you're reading, in where you're going, in the magazines you look at, etc. The world is a sinful and fallen place. But as Christians, as children of God, we have hope because there is a God out there Who cares and Who loves. And if you go to Him and accept Him and follow Him you will be saved, you will live in Heaven with God for eternity. For eternity.

How beautiful God really is!

Belong

In church today Pastor Bill was talking about being an original. There are so many people today who were born an original [because we all are], but then live and die a copy. I don't know about you, but I don't want to live like that. I don't want to be a copy. All of us were born an original. We were all born a unique original. If you live your whole entire life trying to please everyone else, you're never going to get anywhere. No one everywhere is going to accept you. You may think you fit in, but someone somewhere is going to think you're "weird" - to put it bluntly. "Buuut I want to fit in with THAT group! I don't care what anyone else thinks of me." Why do you try so hard to fit in? Why do you try so hard to copy "her" or to fit in so "he" will notice you? Why do we try so hard to be accepted?

We are accepted!

We are accepted by the Lord Jesus Christ, Who came to live and die for you. He then rose from the grave for you. He broke the power of sin and death for you. He did this so that you could have Salvation if you ask Him for it. He did this because He loves you. He did this because He accepts you if you run to Him and ask Him to. He loves you. He is the only acceptance you will ever need. He is the only Person you will ever need - and even if that seems so hard to accept, believe it. You can be accepted by the "cool" crowd - you can hang out at all the "right" places with all the "right" people - but where is that getting you in life? If anywhere, it's taking you to the wrong place. Usually the "cool" crowd isn't the "right" crowd. And the crowd that isn't "right" usually does "wrong" things. So if you do all you can to "fit in", you'll make choices you'll later regret. You'll lose good friendships. I've seen it happen, so please believe me. Be authentic. Be real. Be who you really, truly, are. Please. God made you authentic, God made you unique, God made you YOU. Don't ever, ever, think that you need to "fit in" in places and crowds where you should not be. Remember that God accepts you JUST AS YOU ARE. And when you die and meet God, your "success" here on earth isn't going to matter at all.

Live looking up. Never live in the past, continually be aware of the choices that you're making in the present, and always look forward to the future.

Break

Wow, I can't believe Christmas is only 30 days away! We went and got a Christmas tree today. I think that I definitely love having a real tree in the house over an artificial one. It smells so goood and it's so purrtyy. :]

My Thanksgiving Break is going good. Darla slept over on Thursday night so she was over all day Friday. Today I went with my family to get a Christmas tree, and then just kind of hung around the house and helped decorate the tree the rest of the day. It's so nice to have a break from school and not have to worry about doing anything. Though I do have things I want to get done before school starts back up on Wednesday. But it's just so nice to have a break.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss is doing a really good series right now called "Seeking Him". Go to her website and sign up for her emails if you want to. You can sign up to get her radio series to your email address. It's a great series. Go here to sign up for them:
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/signup.php

"I love Jesus more than life itself"

Thankfulness

Well Thanksgiving was great [and fun]! We had a bunch of our family over. It was like 20-25 people. It was so nice, though.

I'm going to list some people and things I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for everyone who I got to share my Thanksgiving Day with yesterday:
-I'm thankful for Mom, who prepared most of it and made it all happen!
-I'm thankful for Dad, who helped to get everything ready [and who did the turkey... and showed me the heart of it. Eww. Haha.]
-I'm thankful for Matthew [my brother], who yes, can annoy me at times, but I love him anyway!
-I'm thankful for Maria, my sweet little sister and best friend. <3
-I'm thankful for Mamaw. I love her so much!
-I'm thankful for Ruth, who has become like part of the family.
-I'm thankful for Schuie, who I am so thankful could spend this day with us.
-I'm thankful for Darla [my best friend]. Love you girl!
-I'm thankful for the new baby Noah, who is healthy and adorable!
I'm thankful for all of my other family/family friends.
I'm thankful for my girls at Transformed!
I'm thankful for Emily K., thank you so much for your encouragement!
I'm thankful for Ana, thank you for always sticking by me!
I'm thankful for Emily B., who God has placed in my life at a time where I really needed you! Thank you for everything, Emily.
I'm thankful for Emily S., who continues to be a good example for me of a humble, Godly, person.
I'm thankful for Moriah, who shares my love for the country! :]
I'm thankful for Lacee, who has become a good friend of mine. I'm so glad God brought us together as friends again, Lacee!
I'm thankful for ALL of my other amazing friends!
I'm thankful for my salvation.
I'm thankful for food.
I'm thankful for my house.
I'm thankful for my freedoms.
I'm thankful for those who fight for our freedoms.
I'm thankful for my health.
I'm thankful for all of the "material things" God has blessed me with.
I'm thankful for God's beautiful creation.
I'm thankful for who God created me to be, and I continue to find out exactly who that is.
I'm thankful for God's Word.
I'm thankful for inspiring, God-honoring, music.
I'm thankful for life.
I'm thankful for love.
I'm thankful for joy.
I'm thankful for friendship.
I'm thankful for good memories.

But most of all, above all of these wonderful things, I am thankful for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Who continues to guide me, lead me, and teach me. I love You, Jesus. You are my Counselor, my Redeemer, my Savior, my Best Friend. I will follow You all of the days of my life!

"In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you."
-John 14:2

"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."
-Psalm 23:6

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."
-Joshua 24:15b

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our 'God is a consuming fire.'"
-Hebrews 12:28-29

God's Guidance

Wow... I was doing school from 8 AM to 5 PM today! And I still have homework to do over the break. Speaking of break, YEAH, it's finally here!! I need a break from school so bad.

I've been a little confused lately on my music standards and my TV standards and a bunch of other "gray" areas of my life. BUT is there even "gray" areas? I don't really think that there is. I think there's just areas in our lives where we need to rely on God's guidance and discernment for what we need to do [though we should be relying on His guidance and discernment in EVERY decision, EVERY situation, etc.]. And then when we feel that God is telling us to stop doing something, we need to obey Him and stop. When we hear God's guidance, we need to listen to it. But it's in those times when I don't hear God's voice and guidance and discernment that I get confused on. Either I'm ignoring God's voice, I'm not listening for His voice, or there's something in my life that is blocking out God's voice from my life [sin]. I'm not sure which one it is. I want to find out, though, because I feel confused on decisions that I should be making in my life right now about my different morals and standards. People have so many different points-of-view and opinions that I realize I need to know what I believe and WHY and that it needs to be a Biblical, from-God, decision.

"let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance-"
-Proverbs 1:5

http://freerice.com/

Check out the above website and donate rice to those who need food by answering the questions!!

Anger

Wellll let's just say that I didn't have a very good day today. I think I woke up around 9:30. Then I did something for my mom and sister and then read my Proverbs. Then I did a couple things. And okay, here comes the sad/stupid/shameful part... I got so angry - SO ANGRY - because things weren't going right for me. I got so furious because I was unorganized and I seriously couldn't take it anymore. I think I had the kind of anger that Jesus talks about in Matthew 5:21-22, "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment." Jesus compared anger to murder! And as angry as I was today, I think you could call it a murderous anger. I hate to admit that, I really do. I haven't gotten that angry for a long time. My patience has been being tested so much lately and today I just bursted over a stupid thing.

Ephesians 4:31 says, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." I'm working on it. And I asked God to calm me down, and I was calmed down. Then my flesh took over and I got real angry AGAIN.

I was so busy today, and whenever I would try to sit down and just get on the internet, I would have to do something else. Then I had to leave. I was just so stressed out today. But then my Grandma called and said that my aunt Deanna had her baby! She had a little baby boy! He is soo adorable!! His name is Noah. I love babies. My aunt is doing great right now. Thanks to all of you who have been praying for her! Please keep praying that she will continue to have a good recovery.

"Take You Back"
by Jeremy Camp

The reason why I stand
The answer lies in You
You hung to make me strong
Though my praise was few

When I fall I bring Your Name down
But I have found in You
A heart that bleeds forgiveness
Replacing all these thoughts of
Painful memories
But I know that
Your response will always be

"I'll take you back.
Always.
Even when your fight is over now,
Even when your fight is over now,
I'll take you back.
Always.
Even when the pain is coming through,
Even when the pain is coming through,
I'll take you back."

You satisfy this cry
Of what I'm lookin' for
And I'll take all I can
And lay it down before
The throne of endless grace now
That radiates what's true
I'm in the only place that
Erases all these faults that
Have overtaken me
But I know that
Your response will always be,

"I'll take you back
Always.
Even when your fight is over now,
Even when your fight is over now,
I'll take you back.
Always.
Even when the pain is coming through,
Even when the pain is coming through,
I'll take you back."

I can only speak with a grateful heart,
As I'm pierced by this gift of Your love.
I will always bring an offering.
I can never thank You enough.

You take me back,
Always.
Even when my fight is over now,
Even when my fight is over now,
You take me back.
Always.
Even when my pain is coming through,
Even when my pain is coming through,
You take me back.
Always.
Even when my fight is over now,
Even when my fight is over now,
You take me back.
Always.
Even when my pain is coming through,
Even when my pain is coming through,
You take me back.

Anxiety About the Future

I woke up around 9:20 this morning and missed one of my classes. I was so exhausted. I went to one of my classes and then went back to sleep around 11:00 and slept until around 12:30. Then I ate lunch and baked cookies. Then I caught up on my classes that I missed. I'm sick, so the rest that I got I did need. God has been working with me in the area of hurry sickness [read the post "Hurry Sickness"] in that way [I just took the time to let my body rest] and in other ways throughout the day today. My mom, my sister, and me went shopping tonight and we were at a busy intersection and for some reason the light would NOT turn green. I think something was wrong with the light. But neither of us got mad or even impatient [me and my mom are both trying to work on this] which was kinda surprising. We just turned left when the left arrow [which was the only light that would let us go] turned yellow for us to go... So then we had to go around and get to where we were going a different way. But something one of my old teachers used to say about getting behind a slow driver, "Whenever I get behind a slow driver, I think about the person in front of me being an angel from God, protecting me." Because think about it; Maybe if you hadn't of gotten behind that slow driver you would've gotten in an accident farther up the road.

Something else that God worked on me with today was my self-image. I felt awful today because I'm sick and exhausted. So I didn't feel too pretty haha. But God kept reminding me about what I've been reading about in "The Truth About Guys" book [read previous post] and how I'm valuable and beautiful and outside looks are NOT all that matter!

We actually didn't have Bible Study tonight because I wasn't feeling well and it's at my house... and Darla was sick, too. Ana and Emily K. couldn't make it either, so I think it was better to just skip this week. I would have loved to have it, and I didn't want to cancel it, but I was going to be leading this week and I was so tired and everything. I am feeling better, though!

I got some Christmas shopping done tonight. I can't believe there's only 35 days left until Christmas! It seems like Christmas was just over! The years go so fast anymore.

Which brings me to another point - I really have no idea what my future holds. I could worry and worry and worry about it, but I realize that that is just a waste of my time, my energy, and my emotions.

Jesus tells us not to worry [Matthew 6:34].
Jesus tells us that He will give us the desires of our hearts if we delight ourselves in Him [Psalm 37:4].
Jesus tells us that He knows the plans He has for us[Jeremiah 29:11].
Jesus says that He will work out the plans for our lives [Psalm 138:8].
Jesus says that everything works together for those who love Him and to those who are called according to His purpose [Romans 8:28].
Jesus says to cast all of our anxiety on Him, because He cares for us [1 Peter 5:7].

So why worry? I have no reason - no reason - to worry. God is in control.

Self-Worth

Well the skit at church got cancelled this morning because one of the girls got sick. I was glad, though, because I wasn't feeling very well, either. I think I'm sick, too. So yeah, I guess we weren't meant to do it this morning.
All of the girls who went to The Revolve Tour went up on stage and Sally, Carrie's mom, read the responses that some of us wrote up about what we learned from The Revolve Tour. Then they showed a slideshow of the pictures of us and pictures that some of us took while we were there. I liked the slideshow... "Held" by Natalie Grant was playing in the background. I love that song.

Well, I'm reading a book called "The Truth About Guys". I got it at The Revolve Tour, and it is such a great book. I thought I'd share some quotes and verses from the book with you guys.

It was talking about how if you don't like who you are, nobody else will either. You need to realize that you are valuable.

"Be a friend to thyself, and others will be so too."
-Thomas Fuller

"Look in the mirror and one thing is sure; what we see is not who we are."
-Richard Bach

"Behavior is a mirror in which everyone displays his own image."
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We all have our own character traits and personality traits that make us who we are. It really is true that our inner self and our inner beauty defines what we look like on the outside. Have you ever seen someone who you thought was beautiful, then you heard her interact with someone else and you saw how rude and just plain ignorant she was? It makes her appear ugly. Or have you seen someone who doesn't appear to be very attractive, but then you interact with her and see how pleasant and sweet she is, and you realize that she really is pretty. I know that this has happened to me more than once, and I realize that people have also defined me by my character and personality. It really is the inner beauty that counts; believe it.

"To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are."
-Anonymous

"You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are ...your simple presence can make others happy."
-Jane Roberts

The book was talking about how we need to realize that we are valuable. We need to accept ourselves for who we are, because God has made us who we are. So go ahead, say the following out loud to yourself right now:

God has made me unique. God has made me different from any other person on this earth that has ever been created. I am a unique creation. I am God's creation. I am valuable. I am beautiful. I don't need to try to change who I am to be accepted, because I am accepted - by God. And God's acceptance is all that I need. I am unique. I am beautiful. I am valuable. And from now on, I will believe that I am unique, beautiful, and valuable.

"You made my whole being; You formed me in my mother's body. I praise You because You made me in an amazing and wonderful way."
-Psalm 139:13-14

I encourage all of you girls out there to read the book "The Truth About Guys" by Chad Eastham. It has so much good stuff in it about guys and about your self-worth as a girl. I have the book, so if you would like to borrow it from me, let me know.

Fun Times

Last night around 6:00 I went to Moriah's house for a sleepover with Lacee, Ana, Darla, Carrie, and Emily. It was funn. We ate pizza and homemade icecream [which by the way was really good Moriah!] and made smores [Mmm]. We watched Ratatouille [not sure if I spelled that right haha] which is a cute movie. :] Then we played MadGab which was really funny. Then later we played Graveyard and Night Crawler, which was lots of fun. Night Crawler is really fun because it's in the dark. Anyway, later we watched "She's the Man" and went to sleep [that movie wasn't the best movie ever... but it was kinda cute]. We went to sleep around 2:00-2:30 AM.
This morning we ate breakfast and kinda just hung out... then Moriah, Carrie, and me went to skit practice at church. That was fun, even though I felt like I was half asleep. I couldn't remember some of my lines so I had to use my script. I need to memorize all of my lines for tomorrow morning. If you remember, it'd be great if you could pray for us all tomorrow morning because tomorrow is the skit. It's a hilarious skit, so it won't be too tense, but this is the first skit I've ever been in. The only reason I'm in DRAMA this year is because I figured I'd try something new. I'm glad I decided to do it, though. It's fun, but I am a little nervous about tomorrow morning. I hope I don't trip and fall or forget my lines or something! I am very clumsy... Haha.
I went back to Carrie's house for about a half an hour, then went a couple places with Mom and then came home and put my stuff away and got on here. I am so exhausted! But I am very thankful for the friends that God has put in my life and that we can have fun times like that.
My friends are amazing... love you girls!

Something happened today that was just an answer to prayer for me. It may not turn out the way that I would like, but I asked for God's will to be done, and that's what I want to happen. I am so thankful for God's amazing goodness and grace and holiness and sovereignty and love! He knows the plans of my life and He will fulfill His purpose for me! What an amazing, incredible, reassuring promise!

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'"
-Jeremiah 29:11

"The Lord will work out His plans for my life—
for Your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.
Don’t abandon me, for You made me."
-Psalm 138:8

Learning Something New

Well, God definitely helped me up this morning! I got up at 6:00 [which is early for me], read my Proverbs and did a couple things, got ready, and then did school from 8-12. I actually learned in school today! Not that I never do, because I usually do. But I was really alert and awake. Usually I'm off day-dreaming, and I did a couple times today, but overall it was great.
In Biology I learned about osmosis and about the cell being either isotonic, hypertonic, or hypotonic. Yeah, I know, I don't love all these terms either.
In English we're going over Edgar Allan Poe's story, "The Cask of Amontillado", so we were reviewing that. Weeiiirdd story.
In World Cultures we're learning about Europe [yay]! Today we were learning about Ancient Greece and the Romans.
In Algebra we were reviewing the FOIL method and then we learned about this square method thing... I understand it, but I forget what the method is called. Haha I can't remember ALL the terms!
In Spanish we took a quiz with someone else, so that was great. I was with Ben, and he's really good at Spanish, so that went well. We got all of the points! We also learned about irregular verbs in the preterite tense [like dar, ser, ir, and ver].

I still haven't gotten caught up in my extra classes I took this year. Maybe I'll be able to over Thanksgiving Break, but I doubt it.

Well I took my Algebra quiz already, so I don't have much more homework to do this weekend. I am so glad. I am so glad it's Friday!

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts."
-Psalm 139:23

Training Before Trying

Well this morning I woke up at 5:00, did my Proverbs with so much joy, prayed for an hour... No, that's not really how my day went. I woke up around 9:00, did my Proverbs, did some stuff, did school... I got done my homework a little after 12:00 though, which is unusual for me. I didn't do any of my subjects that I'm behind in, though. I should have, but I didn't. I ate lunch, practiced piano, wrote some of the Transformed Newsletter, went to piano lessons, went and got my hair cut [it's not very different, though, but I'm glad I got it cut], then came home and ate dinner and did some random things... then I left again. I got home around 9:00 and got on here. So yeah, that was pretty much my day today. But of course it went much deeper than that.
Like for instance, the music thing -- I was getting my hair cut and I heard songs that my friends like and that I used to like. It's so hard to give up something for Christ, but I know it's worth it.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.'"
-Matthew 16:24

Oh, and another thing... the whole "looks" thing. This world is so full of lies, and I have given in to those lies. I feel like I need to have the right figure, the right hair, the right face, the right clothes, etc. Why does the world feed me those lies? And why do I give in to them? I've been trying not to, but I need to be trying so, so much harder. But I've learnt in the women's Sunday School class I go to every Sunday morning that I need to TRAIN and then TRY. Because just "trying" isn't going to accomplish anything unless you have trained for it. Think about it; what if you were called to be in the Olympics and you had never in your life trained for what you were going to be doing there? You can't just go and "try" without first training - unless, of course, you want to look like a fool in front of the entire world. It works the same in your journey with Christ [even the fool part. If you tell people you are a Christian, but then you continue in your old sinful ways, you will appear to be a fool to those around you. And God will also call that foolish.] You must train to be Godly. You must train to be humble. You must train to be joyful. You must train to be more like Christ. If you just try, you will most likely fail. So how do you train? Well, that depends on the situation, but asking God for help is always an important part of it. In my situation with my looks, I must train by praying that God will help me in this situation, and then when I go out into the world, I must pray everytime I start to compare myself to someone else. Eventually, with God's help, I will overcome my struggle with this. I thought I was almost over it, but it doesn't seem like I am. I can't even believe I'm posting this on here for everyone to see... but I want to be honest. I don't want to hide anything.

So here's me... And even though I do NOT want to be vulnerable and open, I do want to be transparent. I want people to know who I truly am. And that is something that God is really helping me with.

Cutting off From Sin

"Repentance is a definite turn from every thought, word, deed and habit which is known to be wrong. It is not sufficient to feel pangs of remorse or to make some kind of apology to God. Fundamentally, repentance is a matter neither of emotion nor of speech. It is an inward change of mind and attitude towards sin which leads to a change of behaviour.
"There can be no compromise here. There may be sins in our lives which we do not think we ever could renounce; but we must be willing to let them go as we cry to God for deliverance from them. If you are in doubt regarding what is right and what is wrong, what must go and what may be retained, do not be too greatly influenced by the customs and conventions of Christians you may know. Go by the clear teaching of the Bible and by the prompting of your conscience, and Christ will gradually lead you further along the path of righteousness. When He puts His finger on anything, give it up. It may be some association or recreation, some literature we read, or some attitude of pride, jealousy or resentment, or an unforgiving spirit.
"Jesus told His followers to pluck out their eye and cut off their hand or foot if these caused them to sin. We are not to obey this with dead literalism, of course, and mutilate our bodies. It is a vivid figure of speech for dealing ruthlessly with the avenues along which temptation comes to us."
-John Stott

Nancy Leigh DeMoss was talking about the verses in Mark 9:43-47 where it talks about gouging out your eye if it causes you to sin and cutting off your arm or foot if it causes you to sin. Of course, Jesus didn't mean to literally cut off your arm or foot or to gouge out your eye. He wouldn't tell us to mutilate the bodies He gave us. What He means by these verses is to cut yourself off from everything that causes you to sin. Yeah, you may have to give up your favorite TV show. Yeah, you might need to stop listening to your favorite kinds of music. Yeah, you might have to stop going where you love to go. Yeah, you may even need to give up friendships. But you know what? It is so worth it to give things up for God. At the time it may not seem worth it at all, but it is. It is so worth it. Jesus died for us [and rose again, breaking the power of sin and death for us!] so why can't we give up things for Him? It makes you feel so free when you give up things for God. It feels so refreshing to obey God.

That explains my new Blogger. My old one got deleted as I was deleting something else that I knew I needed to get rid of. God had prompted me to get rid of the thing, and I didn't want to do it at all. I was about to just not do it because I knew my Blogger would be deleted and I had posts on there that I didn't want to get deleted. But I did delete it. I knew that I had to. And I felt so free afterwards. And guess what? As I was trying to log in with my other email address, I found my old blog [the one where I have some of my articles and devotions on]! I thought that had gotten deleted or lost somewhere when Blogger changed. But it's still there! If you want to look at it, click on my profile, and the blog should be listed there.

I posted all of my other posts from my old blog onto here, so read them if you want to. I have been learning so much lately and I wanted to share it with you. So please, read them if you have time.

The Beauty of God
Knowing the beauty of God is sunshine on a cloudy day,
to know that a living God sits upon the throne and guides my way.
God never promised that life would be easy all the time,
But He did promise that He would hold my hand during the rough climb.
And His promise gives me hope - even if just a ray.

Getting through life is no easy thing,
but God promises His Bride - the Church - a wedding ring.
I hold His promises deep in my heart - they are mine.
And knowing the beauty of God is sunshine on a cloudy day.

Losses, pain, and hopelessness; I can only pray
that God will deliver me - and if not right away
then I need to learn to trust - God knows best.
Though life is hard to understand, yes, God knows my stay
on earth is hard; it's no easy thing.
And that's why knowing the beauty of God is sunshine on a cloudy day.
-Me

REAL

Well, let's just say that my day wasn't all that great today. I got up late, did my Proverbs while I was annoyed and angry, and didn't get caught up in the subjects I was behind in. I didn't even do them at all. Then I got down about one of my close friends because of something... and I am so tired. Then as I was going through my music on my music player and deleting songs that I used to really like but I know I shouldn't listen to anymore, I felt so... I don't know, just so sad. I hate change, but it's like my life is always constantly changing. But even in the midst of my not-so-great day, I was happy. I said to my mom, "Do you ever feel happy even when you're having a bad day?" And she said, "Yes. It's that inner joy. It's God. It has to be... I don't see how people live without Him." And I don't either.

I want to try to learn something new everyday either about myself, about God, or just about life. I'll try to post about it every day on here.

Something I've been thinking about is people who are down and depressed... a lot of them like that feeling of having self-pity and being depressed and so they feed the depression by listening to depressing music, thinking really hard about things, etc. I've found myself doing it more than once. But it should not be that way! If I am feeling down, I should be listening to encouraging, up-lifting music. I should be praying to God and asking Him to lift me out of the pit of sorrow and depression that I'm in and hold me in His arms. I should be thanking Him for the amazing God that He is. I've been trying to do that more lately, and it works... it definitely helps. Life is hard, but even in the midst of pain, sorrow, depression, stress, etc. I can have joy! In all things and in all situations, I can have that inner joy and peace that only comes from Christ. Okay, yeah, I know, some situations are painful and terrifying and it seems impossible to be able to have joy. So call out to God in those situations and ask Him to give you that joy and that peace. Just call out to Him. He does hear you.

I guess that's the reason Christian music that have lyrics talking about no one being out there annoy me. Because there is Someone out there. There is Someone out there Who cares. There is Someone out there Who loves. There is Someone out there Who will hold you in His arms. And that Someone is God.

I want to encourage you to be REAL. When you go out into the world, full of its different kind of people, be real. Don't change who you are based on where you are.

Natalie Grant put it this way at the Revolve Tour:

R - Reality Check
E - Esteem
A - Authentic
L - Live

Let me add something... You are beautiful. You are God's special creation and He loves you. Don't change who you really are. Be your unique self everywhere you go. Shine for Jesus in everything you do, in every word you say, and in everywhere you go. And please... BE REAL.

My Journey With Christ Binder

Well, I started a binder today to put things I need to get done in, different schedules for every day of the week, and Christian articles that I like [and one that I wrote]. It took me a long time, because I cut out pictures in magazines, made the front cover, made up a schedule for every day of the week, and printed out the articles. It took me a while to do that... but oh well, at least I got that done. I really hope that I'll be able to stick to my schedule without it becoming a rush thing for me. Because after Christ gently opened my heart this morning to reveal my hurry sickness [read previous post], I do not want to fall back into that disease -- that trap. So please pray for me in this area. I am a person who really does love a schedule and a routine. I work a lot better like that, and I get more done. So hopefully this works. If you would like to make a binder for yourself, you can go to this website:
http://myblessedhome.blogspot.com/2006/11/my-home-management-binder.html#article

I'm not following the website step-by-step. Actually, I'm hardly following it at all. But it gives you an outline to follow if you'd like to. It's actually called a "Home Maker's Binder" on there, but since I'm not a home maker, I call mine "My Journey With Christ Binder." I think it fits lots better for me.
Thank you Emily for the idea!

Hurry Sickness

Wow. I'm reading a book for Sunday School called, "The Life You've Always Wanted" by John Ortberg. It is such a great book. And I'm reading a chapter right now called "An Unhurried Life". It hits home for me so well and so I thought that I would share with you as I read and discover for myself.

There's a quote at the beginning of the chapter that says, "People nowadays take time far more seriously than eternity." -Thomas Kelly

The chapter talks about a disease: Hurry Sickness. Of course it's not a real disease, but I believe that it can affect you physically as well as spiritually and emotionally. I know this from experience, and it is a "disease" that will make you depressed, discouraged, and exhausted.
The symptoms of this disease are:

-Constantly speeding up daily activities. Throughout the day, I find myself trying to read faster, talk faster, try to make others talk faster so I can get on with what I was doing, rushing from one thing to the next. And my next confession is a very sad one. I would even feel guilty when I was doing nothing for five minutes. If I would just sit down and do nothing, or even sit down to talk to my family I would feel guilty because I was not doing what I thought needed to be done!

-Multi-Tasking. I do this all the time. I listen to music and do homework at the same time. I talk on the phone and only half-listen to whoever I'm on the phone with because I'm doing something else (checking emails, getting on websites, talking to about five other people on IM, etc.). And I've found that when I do that, it effects other areas of my life. I can't concentrate in school because I'm thinking about what I need to do. I can't concentrate in church or youth group or Bible Study because I'm thinking about what I'm doing after church or youth group or I'm thinking about what to say next in Bible Study. I cannot just think about one thing. I cannot just do one thing. It's not healthy. It effects so much of my life negatively. I don't learn anything because I'm thinking about 10 other things while I'm listening to my pastor or while I'm listening to my youth leaders or while I'm trying to think about what to say next at Bible Study or when I'm trying to learn from my teachers and instead I'm thinking about how much I have to do.

-Clutter. This defines me so much. I keep everything. I can't get rid of childhood memories. I have my own drawer full of things that I can't get rid of because they mean something to me. I basically have my own corner of the attic with things that I can't get rid of because I can't let go of anything from my childhood. My closet is full of things that I'll never use, but I can't get rid of them. I've been like this all of my life. The other day I went through my drawer and actually got rid of some things and condensed some things. Another thing is my lists of books I'd like to read. When I don't get to read them, I feel guilty. I feel guilty all the time because I feel that if I'm not doing something I'm wasting precious time. But did I ever think that maybe it is healthy to take a break during the day instead of going through the whole day, rushing through everything and then not getting enough sleep at night?

-Superficiality. I have traded precious wisdom for information. At the beginning of the month I started reading Proverbs because I want to have wisdom about things in life. I don't just want information about things, I want to have wisdom to percieve those things.

-An inability to love. Love and hurry do not go together. Love takes time. People who hurry and rush through everything don't take the time to love others - through their actions, words, and conversations. I have found this so evident in my hurried life. I hurry through everything, then feel guilty afterwards that I didn't take the time to love that stranger by smiling at them, or that I didn't take the time to love my family by spending time with them, or that I didn't take the time to love my friends by giving them advice when they need it and talking to them about things they're struggling with. But you know what? Time is precious. Not precious in the way that I-need-to-hurry-because-time-is-precious-and-it's-ticking-away. But in this way: Time is precious, and therefore I should spend every second wisely, by loving others, by learning something new every day, by spending time with God without rushing through my Bible reading or prayers, by enjoying God's Creation by taking a walk, by doing my best in school, by spending time with my family, by talking with my friends, by smiling at strangers, by lending a helping hand to those in need.

-Sunset Fatigue. This refers to the end of the day when you may be stressed out and exhausted by the hurried day you just had, so you give your family and friends the "left-overs" of love. Some ways to define "sunset fatigue" would be this: [these come from the book]
-You find yourself rushing even when there's no reason to;
-There is an underlying tension that causes sharp words or sibling quarrels;
-You set up mock races that are really about your own need to get through it [he gave the example of having his kids race to see who could get their baths the fastest so it would get done faster];
-You sense a loss of gratitude and wonder;
-You indulge in self-destructive escapes from fatigue: abusing alcohol, watching too much TV, etc.

Jesus never hurried. He was busy, yes, but he never hurried. He took the time to show the people around Him His love. He went away to be quiet before His Father - God. So why do we hurry and rush through our days? We can't move faster than the One we are following.

"The press of busyness is like a charm. Its power swells... it reaches out seeking always to lay hold of ever-younger victims so that childhood and youth are scarcely allowed the quiet and the retirement in which the Eternal may unfold a divine growth." -Kierkegaard

As the book says, "The truth is, as much as we complain about it, we are drawn to hurry. It makes us feel important. It keeps the adrenaline pumping. It means we don't have to look too closely at the heart or life. It keeps us from feeling our loneliness." How true! How relevant in my life!

A good thing to do at the end of the day to help you with your hurry sickness, and to help you even if you don't neccessarily struggle with this, is to review your day with God. Pastor Bill has said before that the day doesn't begin in the morning, it begins in the evening [from Genesis 1:5, "The evening and the morning were the first day".]

[The following comes from the book, but I've paraphrased it and added a little to it.]
1. Be still before God [Psalm 46:10]. Quiet your mind.
2. Acknowledge Jesus' presence and invite Him to teach you.
3. Re-play the events of your day, as painful or shameful as they may be. Pray as you are lead for forgivness, more love for others, more courage, more patience, etc.
4. If you are led to pray for the people you have interacted with that day [even if they are complete strangers], do so.
5. End with a prayer of thanksgiving to God for His mercy and love. Ask Him to refresh you as you sleep.

Discoveries in Ecclesiastes

Well, I've been learning a lot lately. Last night I was reading Ecclesiastes and I couldn't stop reading! So I ended up reading the whole book. I think it's my favorite book of the Bible now. It applies to my life so well. It talks about how we all live and die and how life is so worthless... and without Christ, our life is worthless.
But I think what really stuck out to me were these verses:

"Anything I wanted, I took. I did not restrain myself from any joy. I even found great pleasure in hard work, an additional reward for all my labors. But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless. It was like chasing the wind. There was really nothing worthwhile anywhere." -Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

I know that working hard is a good thing, but what I really thought about was working so hard at something that is not worthwhile. I've been filling my life with things that are not neccessary. Things that I thought were, but they have only been stressing me out. And if God is at the center of everything that I do, then I know that it won't stress me out. It'll be challenging, yes. But not stressful, not exhausting -- but refreshing.

"So I turned in despair from hard work. It was not the answer to my search for satisfaction in this life." - Ecclesiastes 2:20
(Make sure you don't take that the wrong way, though. God wants us to work hard at everything we do. "Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." - Colossians 3:23)

"I discovered that God created people to be upright, but they have each turned to follow their own downward path." - Ecclesiastes 7:29

^ How often do I see that being portrayed in so many people's lives around me (and even in my own life sometimes). It is so sad to see good friends and family members walk away, slowly, step-by-step, away from their Savior. They will soon find, though, that the path they have chosen over God's path is worthless. I know people who have been on both paths, and they say that there is nothing for them on the wrong path. Following Christ makes life worthwhile. It makes cause for joy, to know that God walks with me through all of my situations. It gives me a peace, to know that God forgives and forgets and that my life is in His hands.

"Those who are wise will find a time and a way to do what is right." - Ecclesiastes 8:5b

I need to remember that so often in my life. It is so easy to just do what is wrong and then ask for forgiveness for it later. But that is playing with God's grace. And that is a very dangerous, and wrong, thing to do. I want to do what is right, all the time. I want to do things God's way. I want to reflect Christ in all I do and say. But that is so hard when I am around people who are negative. It is so hard when I am around people who are slowly walking down the wrong path. It is so hard when I am around people who think they are so much better than me. It is so hard. But "those who are wise will find a time and a way to do what is right". I need to always remember that -- especially in compromising situations.

And in the final verses of the book of Ecclesiastes --
"Here is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey His commands, for this is the duty of every person. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad." - Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

And that should be on my mind at all times. I need to remember that everything I do will be taken into account when I stand before God. I am so so grateful for God's amazing grace, or I would be terrified to stand before God's holy throne. Though I do fear standing before God's Throne, it is only because He is such a holy, perfect, awesome, all-powerful God. But because I have accepted His free gift of Salvation and because I follow Him, I don't need to be afraid that I will be thrown into the depths of hell -- because I will be led through the gates of Heaven to be with my Lord Jesus Christ. I am awed at that thought! At that truth!

I just thought that I would share with you what I have been learning lately. And I encourage you to read the book of Ecclesiastes. It's a good book.
Well this morning the Wissmann's visited our church. If you don't know who they are, they're a family of 15 (13 kids!) who travel and visit churches to sing. They are an amazing family, and it is very relevant in their lives that they live for Christ. It is so encouraging to see a family living for God the way that they are.

So, as I strive to become more and more like Christ, I would encourage you to do the same. If any of you need to talk about anything, I'm here. I don't know all of the answers, but I will definitely try to help you.

Gifts

Well this morning I got up at 6:00, got a shower and got ready, ate breakfast, and THEN read Proverbs 10. I realize that I need to put God first in my day, but I was really low on time (my friend picked me up around 6:45 and so I just thought about myself first. :[). Then I went with my friend to her church to help out with the senior citizens. Her church collected a bunch of stuff to give out to senior citizens who don't have a lot of money like to buy things for Christmas and stuff. So basically I guess it's kind of our Christmas gifts to them. But it was nice. They were giving out groceries, clothes, quilts, jewelry, wall pictures, books, etc. and even had a free brunch for them. Me and Ana worked two tables -- the craft table and the pictures table. We gave them a bag to put their stuff in, told them what to do and where to go, helped them with their stuff... I helped two ladies out to their cars and got to talk to some older people. It was just nice. I love older people and as of now, I really think that God wants me to work with older people as my career. Ever since I was 10 I've wanted to be a nurse. And I've always loved older people. So it makes sense. But I want what God wants for me, so we'll see if He calls me somewhere else later on in my life.

You know, Christmas gifts are much more than just tangible things. True gifts come from the heart. If you spend time with older people in a nursing home or doing something like I did today for them, then I think that's a gift to them. The same goes with your family and your friends. If you're giving a gift just to give a gift and get it over with, then it's not coming from your heart and it's not truly a gift. And remember the greatest Gift of all, which is what Christmas is really about -- Jesus Christ and the reason He came to this earth -- YOU. He offers each and every one of us the gift of Salvation and we should be telling others about this Gift and about God's amazing grace! Just something to think about since Christmas is soon here.

Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.

Beauty

Well I wanted to get up at 5:30 this morning, but that didn't happen. I had my alarm set and I kept hitting the "snooze" button (you know, I don't think that button is a very good button haha) and I kept drifting in and out of a really weird dream. I thought I was awake, but then I finally got up at around 7:00. Yes, I hit the snooze button from 5:30-7:00. I don't know how I did that.
Anyway, when I did get up, I went straight for my Bible and my spiritual journal and started reading Proverbs 9. God definitely gave me the strength, determination, and desire to do that. Even though I did it faster (reading it and doing the checklist that I do with it) than I would have liked to (I was low on time), I'm so glad I got to do that. Then I got a shower and started school for the day. In English class, we had a debate on the result of Edgar Allan Poe's death. I like telling people what I believe and why, but not on something like that. But I was the leader of the alcoholism group (the group that believes he died as a result of alcoholism) and so I had to make up a presentation and present it to the class. I guess I did okay. I'm not very good at speeches and things like that, so it was good practice. Our group collected a lot of facts to back up our predicted cause of his death (alcoholism), so that's good.
Well tonight I had skit practice for the youth group DRAMA team. I'm not a drama, actor, kind of person, but I thought I'd try something new and see how I did. I think it'll help me to be more outgoing and step out of my comfort zone even more... because it seems like everytime I get out of my comfort zone and into God's, I step right back into mine again. That's something that I need to work on.
Another thing that I really need to work on is the beauty thing... I feel so inadequate sometimes. And I know that I am beautiful, because God created me beautiful -- even if at times I don't feel like I am. I think it's something that most girls struggle with. And I need to stop. I need to realize that God created me for Him. And He created me - and you - beautiful.

"We are the clay, and You are the potter."
Isaiah 64:8b (NLT)

God is the Potter. We are the clay. And so:
"What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, 'Stop, you're doing it wrong!' Does the pot exclaim, 'How clumsy can you be?""
Isaiah 45:9 (NLT)

Well, guys, I'm out...

The Revolve Tour

Well, over the weekend I went to the Revolve Tour. It was amazing. There is no other word to describe it... it was amazing. There were really cool Christian bands there, awesome speakers, great skits, and then the Revolve Praise Team (which was really, really, good). I went with my youth group and even got to hang out with Lacee and Emily for a little! It was such a blast.
On the ride there, we were listening to music and talking and eating... haha it was fun. Then we got to our hotel (which was really nice) and put our stuff in the rooms and then we all went to get something to eat. Then we went to the actual Revolve Tour, which was amazing. After that, we went to the grocery store and got some ice creeeaaamm. Haha. We didn't get back to the hotel until like 11:00. So we went back, watched a little TV, got showers, and went to sleep. In the morning, we all got ready and left again for the Revolve Tour (Saturday). Saturday was even more amazing. Hawk Nelson, Natalie Grant, KJ-52, and Ayiesha Woods all sang. Chad Eastham, Jenna Lucado, Rachel Hockett, Brie Reed, and Natalie Grant spoke. I missed Rachel Hockett, though, because I was waiting in line to meet KJ and get his autograph. I ended up getting KJ-52, Ayiesha Woods and one of her band members, Chad Eastham, and Jenna Lucado's autographs. I only actually met Jenna Lucado and KJ, though. I want to go back next year so bad. I learned so much about God, about myself, and about guys by going there. And I bought Chad Eastham's book The Truth About Guys, so I'm looking forward to reading that.
So not only was it a blast (rapping with KJ and the girls, singing with Hawk Nelson, Natalie Grant, and Ayiesha Woods, getting autographs, annoying the security guard...) but I also learned. And it was so cool to sing out to God with about 10,000 other girls and the Revolve Praise Team.
Monday
Monday night was Bible Study. We started a new book called Green is Not Your Best Color, which talks about jealousy, guys, anger, and a bunch of other good issues (I just called guys issues... haha, well, guess they kind of are). Monday night we talked about anger. It was really good.

Tuesday
Tuesday we had this program thing at our church, so I helped out with the kids. :]

Wednesday
Last night was youth group. Wow, we're using a book Love Your Neighbor and it's talking about ethics from a Christian perspective. It is very, very challenging. It definitely helps to do it with a group, because I don't think I could do it on my own. The main author of it, Norman Geisler, was at our church on Sunday. He was talking about atheists and stuff... and like how they contradict themselves so much and how they put down atheism. Atheists put down their own beliefs. It's recorded in different atheist's quotes; it's true. That really gave me a fresh perspective on God and what I believe. It was good.

Well, I can't say that I've been keeping up with my Proverbs too well. This whole getting-up-early-to-read-my-Bible thing is new to me, and so it's hard. I did it yesterday for Proverbs 7 and I did it today, for Proverbs 8. Today, though, I didn't get up early to do it. I did it after I woke up, which wasn't too early. I realize I have so much room to grow in Christ... and I'm glad God is opening my eyes to that, but if you guys could pray that I would follow Him and obey Him, that would be great.

Pebbles of Wisdom in Proverbs

Well... this is my blog. I'm going to be posting some things I write on here, as well as talking about how I'm doing in my relationship and walk with Christ. Basically by reading my posts, you can get a glimpse of a girl's journey with Christ -- the ups and the downs. The good times and the bad times.

Well, I've been feeling like a failure lately. God has been opening my eyes to different things in my life and I haven't been obeying Him like I should, I've been so stressed out lately, and my life has just not been the greatest. My priorities are all wrong (Emily K. opened my eyes to that in Bible Study). I was distressed and feeling like a failure. I wanted to change that so badly, but it was like I couldn't... I didn't want to. But let me tell you that that is no way to live. When I am living fully on fire for Christ, I feel so good. So good about life. God is amazing and good - all the time! So I wanted to get back on track with God. So I decided to make a challenge for myself. I want to thank Emily B. from school for motivating me to do this.

So well, I think I had a pretty productive day today. I made a goal last night that for the whole month of November I would get up early and read a chapter of Proverbs (according to the day -- today is the 1st, so I read the first chapter). I thought I was going to fail today, but God gave me the strength to wake up. So I woke up and read Proverbs 1. I want to challenge all of you to do this. Read the chapter in Proverbs that corresponds with the day. There are 31 chapters so this works out great. This is how I did it this morning: I read Proverbs 1 and took notes on what the chapter said to do. Today this is what I wrote:

Fearing the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. (verse 7)
I must not despise wisdom and discipline. (verse 7)
I must listen to what my parents teach me. (verse 8)
I must turn my back on those who entice me to sin. (verse 10) Stay away from their paths. (verse 15)
I must not be greedy for gain. It robs me of life. (verse 19)
I must listen to wisdom. (verses 22-23)
Then I wrote out a checklist. This is what mine looked like this morning:

1. Do I fear God? Not like I should.
How can I improve that today? Read Revelation 1 and then live out my day and life knowing that God is sovereign.
2. Do I despise wisdom and discipline? Sometimes. I question everything, which I guess could be a good thing. But I may despise some knowledge by doing so. And I definitely despise discipline sometimes -- from my parents and other people.
How can I improve that today? By listening for wisdom more closely in situations and in God's Word. By gathering all the facts before I form an opinion. By showing love when I have little debates with my friends. Discipline - by listening more closely to what my parents have to say and holding their pebbles of wisdom in my heart. By obeying them more quickly -- and honestly.
3. Do I listen to what my parents teach me?
How can I improve that today?
4. Do I turn my back on those who entice me to sin and stay away from their paths?
How can I improve that today?
5. Am I greedy for gain?
How can I improve that today?
6. Do I listen to and for wisdom?
How can I improve that today?

Of course I had all of the answers in there, but I didn't put them all on here. Some things are personal, between me and God and I don't think that I should share them. I just thought I'd give you an idea of what I did. God gave me the idea -- trust me... I don't even know how I came up with it. But it's like I enjoyed it!

Have you ever talked to God while watching the sun rise? I encourage you to do it sometime. His Creation is so beautiful.

So that's all for tonight.