Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Passion Re-Ignited

Not long ago, I felt as if I were on the edge, sitting on the fence. One foot was clutched by the hand of satan, who was filling my mind with doubts and fears about this mission that the Lord had called me on. The other was ready to jump into the journey. The little spark in my heart was ready to ignite and it would take something bigger to turn it into a flame. Perhaps I was not yet ready to let go, to ignite the passion, to jump in.

The Lord is faithful. Five months ago He took me off the fence and on a journey almost 9,000 miles away that has completely changed my life. Yet that journey did not begin or end in Chuuk, Micronesia. That journey was just a small part of the big picture and the big journey that the Lord has for me.

Do I sometimes have doubts about where the Lord is sending me? Yeah, satan would love to see me back on the fence. Am I sometimes afraid? Of course. Is God bigger than all of this? Most definitely. And that is what keeps me going.

Yet I am bothered. No, disturbed. I am disturbed and distressed over America. I felt this way when I stepped foot onto American soil five months ago from being in Chuuk, Micronesia for three weeks. It was only three weeks and yet I am hurt! Bothered, distressed, crying out... Yes, I am blessed. I am truly blessed to have the freedoms that I do in this country and I thank God for them. I am so very thankful for everything that the Lord has blessed me with. However, I remember the feelings that I felt when I returned from Chuuk. I was mad at McDonald's, Wal-Mart, short skirts and shorts, tight jeans, the fashion, material things. I wanted to just give everything away. Over the past five months, it seems that that feeling has faded a little and I have enjoyed living an American lifestyle.

I don't know what has happened in the past few days, but that passion has returned. I think it may have to do with a few very great, encouraging girls that the Lord has blessed me with. I think it may have to do with a few challenges along the way. I think it may have to do with seeking the Lord and Him opening my eyes to a few things.

I am not completely sure, but I am sure that it is there. I am not sure exactly what to do with it right now, but it is there - strongly! Ultimately, America is not my home. My home is in Heaven ~ and on this journey on the way, I may live in many temporary homes. Yet it is not final... and I believe with all of my heart that the Lord has something greater! There are great things yet to come, I just know it! My heart may cry over the temporary things of this earth that pain my heart and disturb my soul, but that is just the thing... it is all temporary.

The passion is there. That is for sure. Before it starts to fade, I must feed it so that it can burn more brightly and powerfully than ever before. I must feed it with wood, with solid things. I cannot feed it with water, with those things that are liquid and changing. I must feed it with God's Word, by seeking Him, by talking with Him, by following Him where He leads.

Although where He is leading me this year is not where He led me last year, I am excited. I know that there are little boys and girls like Shawn, Ann, LuAnn, Wilson, Mahlie, Dernes, Winston, Mikey, Mykie, Welson, Jerlyn and Ervian all over the world... and even here in America.

"Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead. Now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go..."
~"Albertine", Brook Fraser