Sometimes, I just need to go for a run. Alone. My heart has been full of so many things - wondering about what the future holds, worrying about what these next few years will bring, and yet yearning to find contentment in Christ and in Christ alone. With every step past all of the expensive stores and restaraunts and people walking and running from place to place, I was once again confused as to how I got here - to this big city full of so many people and places unlike anywhere I would have ever imagined myself to be.
I ran across the street and down through the tunnel leading to the beach that I have come to know from the many late night walks, sand fights, rock skipping contests, games of "ninja" and volleyball, runs along the beach, and even the one sunrise - all with great friends that the Lord has blessed me with. On this particular afternoon, I was running alone along the water's edge, where the waves were coming up higher than usual and washing on the shore with a stronger force than normal. I slowed to a walk and decided that I would use this time to pray out loud. I walked along the edge of the water, just speaking all of the words that have been heavy on my heart, voicing all of the thoughts that have needed to be voiced to my Father for some time. There is something so freeing about being able to let go of the burdens that have been on my heart and leave them at the Father's feet, where they belong.
I walked onto the small pier that jutted out into the lake. The wind was strong and the waves continued to force themselves up over the pier and splash me, despite my attempts to run away from them. As I neared the end of the pier, I turned around and saw the city - the skyline of the buildings behind the lake and the beach; I saw the place that I have come to call my home sometime during these past ten months. Another big wave came, this time splashing me so that my clothes got wet. I just laughed.
God, You are so faithful. You have brought me to this place despite all of my fights and fears. Like these waves, You have been pursuing me all of my life. Your love is unchanging; Your grace unending; Your faithfulness unfailing. I do not and will not ever understand why You are so faithful to me, to have brought me to such a place as this and to have given me all of these great opportunities for ministry... things that I have been dreaming about for years are becoming a reality. You have promised to be faithful - and You have been true to that promise yesterday and today and that is why I can know that You will be true tomorrow.
I turned around, ready to run back down the pier where the waves would stop splashing me. As I turned around, a wave once again came crashing across the pier, but this time it created a rainbow across the water. I was wet and the wind was blowing with so much force, creating relentless waves... but I just laughed. A rainbow, a sign of promise, a sign to me of God's unending and undenying faithfulness. Just like the waves, His love for me and His faithfulness to me are relentless. I do not understand why; I never will. All I know is the truth of His words and the evidence of His faithfulness in my life.
I began to run back down the pier, feeling as though the waves were chasing me because of their relentless pursuit, crashing onto the pier and creating puddles that I splashed through. I was overwhelmed. In the past, God has taken me to so many places and has changed my life in a way that I never would have ever imagined possible. Today, God has brought me to a place where I never would have come on my own and has continually been faithful to me every day, in the big and in the small areas of my life. And this is why I know that He will continue to be faithful to me tomorrow, relentlessly pursuing me and taking care of the areas of my life that I worry about, knowing my heart and its desires, and giving me what is best for my life and for the furtherance of His Kingdom.
All of these things that are in my heart and all of these situations that I worry about, are already in His sovereign hands. And, therefore, I must leave them there.
"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7
And that is a truth and a promise that I can rest in; the God of the universe cares for me. And this is why I can know that greater things are yet to come and greater things are yet to be done. This is why I have this peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7). This is why I can find true contentment in Christ. Nothing compares to this. How deep the Father's love for us.