God has been continually showing me so much about myself lately. It seems to all go back to this one thing. To be blunt, I am a control freak and it is a horrible thing.
I seem to quickly acquire this mindset of doing things "my way and in my time" whenever something goes wrong or whenever something needs done. Add to that my somewhat obsessive personality of setting my mind to something and needing to see it through, and you see how horrible of a thing this can be. I seem to neglect the things that are really important because my mind is consumed with less important, sometimes worthless, things that I seem to think I need control over. And I wonder why I can't make simple decisions very quickly...
Perhaps the underlying problem of all of these "little" problems is my control. And that is exactly the problem - "my" control. The truth is, I have no control. I have no control over my next breath, let alone changing the world.
It is true that I have high dreams and aspirations, but if I am unwilling to yield control over to God (or better said, let Him have the control He already has as God) then those dreams and those plans will never come to be in God's way. I want God's dreams for my life and I want those dreams to be carried out God's way. So if I really want this, then why is it so hard for me to let go of "my" control?
God has been reminding me through this of the correlation between Christ and the Church and the husband and wife relationship. If I cannot submit to God in the little things now, then how am I ever going to submit to my future husband? Just because I make a committment to a man does not mean that all of my control problems will go away. If anything, they could become even bigger if I don't cultivate a submissive heart in myself... beginning now.
Behind all of this is a fear - a fear of submitting control and not knowing what will happen as a result. It is a fear that can easily entangle minds and hearts and leave people living less-than-holy lives as they live them their way, in their time. It is sometimes not until something happens in our lives that is truly not in our control that we realize we really have control over nothing when it comes right down to it. And sometimes, we never learn.
I want to be one who not only learns of my problem with control, but learns how to deal with it. And I don't want to just learn how to deal with it, but I want to learn how to cultivate a submissive heart. I think that one of the most beautiful things is a woman with a willingly submissive heart. No, not one who lets anyone and everyone walk all over her. Not one who offers submission blindly and not one who silently suffers an abusive relationship.
God's Word does not view submission as a weakness, yet rather as the divine plan of God.
"Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
My little sister asked me today who President Obama is. After telling her that he is the leader of our country, she sincerely said, "I thought God was". What a lesson to learn from a child and how right she is! Now if only I would allow Him to be the leader of my life... and in every area cultivating a submissive heart in the right way, beginning now.